Is It Right If It Could Be Wrong?
Feb 14 2013 in Your Caregiving Journey by Denise
On Tuesday morning, Anna Stookey joined me for our monthly chat on Your Caregiving Journey. On this show, we discussed this question: How do I make a decision that could be right for me but perhaps wrong for my caree? You can listen to our show via the player, below. (Note: You’ll hear that I wasn’t feeling well during our show–I’m better today–and we lost Anna at the end of the show because her phone battery ran out.)
Anna and I spoke about the decision to place your caree in a long-term care facility. For a variety of reasons, the decision may be right because it means your caree will receive the care needed and it means you receive more help. From your caree’s perspective, the decision may just simply be wrong, wrong wrong.
Have you been in a similar situation? Have you made a decision that you knew was right but your caree resented? Please share your experiences in our comments section, below.
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Bob said on February 14, 2013
Hi Denise and everyone: Yes, I had an event like this. I am not going to be able to afford continuing to live in my house. I had to make the extremely painful decision to auction off almost evrything in the house my wife and I shared for 25 years. As her cousinn and I had taken as much as we could out of the house that my wife and I wanted to keep last summer and Autumn, there was no more room to keep anything else. So when I contacted the auctioneer, I did not include my wife in the decision-making process. I felt extrememly guilty about this, but I knew that she would want to keep more. After the auctioneer cleaned out the house, I told my wife (my caree). She was very angry, hurt, and sad. She said she couldn’t trust me any more. How could I do this. I felt miseraable, guilty, ashamed, angry, hurt, We both felt grief and loss. I was noot even able to blog about it because I felt so ashamed. I talked with Denise and she helped me through this difficult time as I had no one really to turn too that I thought would understand. Densie saw nothing wrong with my decision. She normalized the situation as one that can happen when we are so overwhelmed as carees and have to make tough decisions. she made suggestions as to how my wife and I could process what happened and move toward acceptance. I’m deeply grateful for the help Denise gave me. Adele are moving in the direction of acceptance. Today, our 26th Engagement anniversary, my wife and I reminisced about our 25 years together. We had a really special day.
I’m sure my wife and I will face more challenges, but I think I will be better prepared to deal with them.