Waiting

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Waiting_Room_First_FloorThe waiting starts long before you’re in an actual waiting room. I started waiting the moment we learned there’d be a surgery number four. I started waiting this weekend, the closer it got to the day he’d be going under. And, instead of sleeping, I am waiting to drive him to the hospital, see them roll him back into the operating room, at which point I will again be waiting for them to tell me everything went as planned and he is fine.

And, yet again, I will be sitting in that waiting room for the fourth time, by myself in full on panic mode. You would think having three surgeries before would ease my mind a little about the competence of his doctors and the fact that he made it through all three previous surgeries just fine, but it doesn’t. In fact, thinking about the fact that each time they go into his head they have to remove more and more dead tissue/cells and that each entry into his head puts him at risk for a myriad difficulties during and following the surgery only makes me more stressed.

I want to believe everything is alright. But, it would have been really great that despite ALL of these things that I had a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on while I am waiting.

15 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Avatar of RichardRichard

    Casandra, I know it’s hard waiting and even harder when your waiting alone. When you next get into that position know this, you have everyone (I believe it’s OK to say that) at caregiving.com sitting right beside you in your smartphone (if you have one). We are only a few buttons away so you can express you worries, joys, thoughts or just need to bend a keyboard to talk to someone. Feel free to contact us anytime. If I’ve learned anything in my short time on caregiving.com is that if you need something someone here will be there. I wish for the best for you and your husband and will by praying for both of you. Good Luck. -Richard

  2. Avatar of PegiPegi

    Bless you, Casandra. I too, have spent too many times sitting alone in a waiting room while life threatening surgeries were performed on my husband. It is the lonelist place in the world. Take my hand and lean on my shoulder. I honestly wish I could be there with you. Richard spoke well for all of us. We’re here.

  3. Avatar of CasandraCasandra Post author

    Thank you all so much! I appreciate each of you and your kindness. He has made it okay and everything went better than planned. I am truly grateful for all your support :)

  4. Avatar of ejourneysejourneys

    Chiming in late — Casandra, I am glad and relieved the surgery went well! I had my laptop with me when my partner was in surgery (hospital had free WiFi) and it helped tremendously. I echo Richard’s suggestion — wherever you are and whatever is happening, if you can get online, we are here. I hadn’t yet discovered this site, so I was on email and Facebook at the time. But the bottom line is that I wasn’t alone. It made a big difference.

    • Avatar of CasandraCasandra Post author

      I am doing surprisingly good. I got some rest last night after I was able to talk to my husband. It was actually the first night in 9 years that I’ve spent without him, so I was a little freaked out. I know, very silly. He is home now and he is resting. He seems to be doing okay. Depending on how good he does tonight will determine if I can go to work tomorrow. My friend won’t be here until the weekend, since we assumed he’d be in the hospital longer.

      Thank you so much, Denise. For everything :)
      I absolutely adore this group and the support I’ve received.

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