Spring Break: Pressing On

broken-heart.svg.medIt is spring break here in my community and in honor of that, I’ve take some time off from my regular paid vocation.  The weather in our part of the county is mild, especially compared to the North and Midwest.  The only thing falling in our air is pollen.

Mind you it’s not exactly a vacation since there is plenty of “chores” to get done in my non-paid vocations of single parent, homeowner, and caregiver.  Still no complaints, it’s good to have more discretionary time.  I think my average nightly sleep has risen to almost six full hours.  I’m a little embarrassed by how much I’m just slacking off.   :-)

I’m also still enjoying the high of a excellent birthday celebration for my Mom and then a relaxing and pleasant Easter holiday.

So my visit with Mom yesterday came as somewhat of a shock and a sobering reminder that some things haven’t changed.

Mom completely did not know me.  There was absolutely no recognition.  Because of that she was not receptive to my presence at all, telling me frankly, in no uncertain terms and increasingly louder, to get away from her.

Her reaction was so out of character it shocked even the other residents who were sitting near by.  Realizing her state I quickly backed away and after unsuccessfully trying to engage her in conversation, just patted her hand and walked away.

I spent a little time visiting with the staff but couldn’t help but note the irony of receiving a warmer reception from everyone, residents and staff alike, than I was getting from my own mother.  Before leaving I tried once more to connect with Mom… she wasn’t having it.  Not this day.

That’s key.  It was only this day.  My head knows this was the dementia.  It wasn’t a personal rejection.  I’ve experienced this before and know it will continue to happen, with increasing frequency as her disease progresses.   I also know that by my next visit Mom will likely welcome with me open arms even if she only thinks I’m her brother.

Yeah, that’s what my head is telling me….   :-(

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5 Comments on "Spring Break: Pressing On"

Profile photo of Pegi
Apr 2, 2013

Bless you Jo, dementia is such a difficult disease. So sorry about your day with your mom, it must be so hard; but what a great attitude you’re able to have that its was “only this day”. Hope you have a happier day soon.

Profile photo of ejourneys
Apr 2, 2013

(((Hugs))) I’m sorry for the bad day, especially the whiplash of it coming off a string of good days. The head knows it’s just this day. The heart still hurts. Bless you, and bless the staff and the other residents for much goodness of heart.

Profile photo of Denise
Apr 3, 2013

Ohhh, Jo, that’s a break–a heart break. As you say, it’s only this visit but ooohhh! it’s still tough.

I hope the rest of your break provides you rest and many reminders that you have love all around you.

Apr 3, 2013

Jo, I’m sorry that you had to endure what you went through with your mother. I am glad that your head knows that it is the dementia and not personal. Although, it is awfully hard to take no matter what.

I am getting very concerned that I am entering a different phase with my aunt. She is very despondent. And so confused. I am going back down tomorrow or Friday and I know she will like that especially because I will stay over. But she has no memory of my being there on Easter. So sad.

Profile photo of Trish
Apr 3, 2013

Oh, Jo! I am (selfishly) happy I read your next post first so it took the sting out of this one. I’m sorry you had to go through this kind of day and have your heart hurt (it hurts no matter what our heads say!). Sending a couple of hugs to you – one for now and one to save for the next time. <3