Sunny_Day_with_Clouds.svg.medI visited Mom again today.  I’m happy to report that I’ve been restored to the family tree, albeit in the position of brother again.  Still feels good to be back in the fold.  :-)

Mom and I laughed and just hung out together.  She of course had no memory of the day before, that is the blessing of dementia.

As I visited, I reflected back on what that previous episode must have felt like to her.  Imagine finding yourself in a room full of complete strangers, some of who seem insistent on taking personal liberties with you (bathing you, dressing you, checking your underwear from time to time), and as if that wasn’t enough, this new complete stranger walks up to you, completely enters your personal space as if he’s known you his entire life, when you know you’ve never ever seen him before in your life.  You just wish he and everyone else would leave you alone and respect your privacy.  You hope that you are safe.

Mom’s earlier reaction to me makes perfect sense when viewed through her eyes.

While Dad was still alive, I’ve seen Mom attempt to call the police on him when she would lose her memory of him and their 60+ year marriage.  Perfectly logical, perfectly heartbreaking.

I’m reminded that this journey we’re on is going to be lived one day at a time.

Today, all was well.  Mom and I had a wonderful time talking about me behind my back.  She remembers my name, she just no longer connects it with me.  I try putting in a good plug for me but Mom DOES remember needing to give her youngest son a lot of spankings.  Of all the things for her to remember. :-)

While we visited, Mom nodded off.  When she awoke she apologized and exclaimed, “Oh my, I went to bed.”

To which I smiled and replied, “It’s okay, I never left.”


9 thoughts on “Recovery

  1. Avatar of RichardRichard

    WOW, how had that must be on both of you (and all family members.) You don’t think of how some of these medical issues affect those who have it. There are some things we as caregivers just can’t fix. Thank you for opening my eyes. Great post, thank you for sharing it.

  2. Avatar of PegiPegi

    Jo, So happy to hear you a had a good day with your Mother today!
    What a beautiful and compassionte way you have of describing how she may have felt on your previous visit. I love the way you were just able to step into the other siblings shoes!

  3. Avatar of CathyCathy

    So glad to hear that your mother was doing better today. I agree with Pegi, you have a way of describing your situation and your mother’s that is simply beautiful.

  4. Avatar of TrishTrish

    What a beautiful post, Jo. It’s full of such love yet you make me laugh with how you are with your mom. It’s hard for me to believe you were the difficult son! Keep putting those plugs in for yourself – sounds like you have a lot of mischief to overcome! :-)

  5. Avatar of ejourneysejourneys

    Glad you could put in a good word for Jo. :-)
    One of the lines I’ve never forgotten from a psychology lecture (we’re talking about 35 years ago) is, “Use the nervous system of others.” You do a beautiful job of using your mom’s nervous system, her perceptions and perspective. Empathy doesn’t cure heartbreak, but I believe it helps soften the blow a bit.
    Here’s to love, laughter, and good days. And being back in the family, spankings and all. :-)

  6. @gail

    Dear Jo,
    You are so sweet! How can your Mom help but love you as we all do! It is so good to read your post! It makes me cry and sympathize completely. Keep up your good work and good son attitude, Jo. Your Mom appreciates it deep down! *hugs*

  7. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Jo–You just pull on my heart strings. :) I’m so glad you had a good visit.

    I think your last five words may be the most beautiful you can offer: “It’s okay, I never left.”

    Wishing you a good weekend. :)

  8. Avatar of KathyKathy


    Oh how I love the view from her eyes even if it is one of confusion.
    We, the caregivers, need to be reminded about that view when dealing with dementia.

    Good for you putting in a good word for “Jo”. Sounds like he’s a bit of a rascal but well loved.

    Thinking of and praying for you and your family often.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>