Tell Us: Do You Want to Know the Final Departure Time?

publicdomain-sun-and-cloudsThis morning, I wrote a weekly comfort called Depart, which talks about making memories. We can’t know the day and time of a caree’s final departure–we can only do our best to make today count.

Which makes me wonder: Do you want to know the day and time of the final departure? Would you want to know when death will arrive–for your caree, for yourself or for other family members? What are the advantages of knowing? Any disadvantages? Does it help you manage the day because you don’t know? Would it help you better manage your time if you did know?

Please share your thoughts in our comments section, below. And, be sure to cast your vote in our poll.

If End-of-Life Were a Diagnosis…

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About Denise Brown

I began working with family caregivers in 1990 and launched in 1996 to help and support them. Through my blog, I share words of comfort and offer coping strategies and tips. I also write opinion pieces about recent research, community programs and media coverage of caregiving issues. I've written several caregiving books, including "The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey," "Take Comfort, Reflections of Hope for Caregivers" and "After Caregiving Ends, A Guide to Beginning Again." You can purchase my books and schedule a coaching call with me in our store.

7 thoughts on “Tell Us: Do You Want to Know the Final Departure Time?

  1. Avatar of RichardRichard

    Denise, Throw us an easy one once in awhile. It would be my opinion that most people will end up answering the poll around, 14% YES, 55% NO and 31% OTHER. I believe this will be a topic most people will see as a Hot Topic and answer only because they’ve been put on the spot. Depending on the situation, such as if someone was in the hospital in a coma or brain dead or something similar then I might want to know. Or if I were on a ventilator and unsure if I would ever come off of it I would want my family to know so they could make an informed decision. But then again my decision there is, No Machines.” But in general no I would not want to know when the End Date/Time was. I want to live my life like I want to live it and not be living for a date and time. Yes I could work on my bucket list or travel with the wife until that would be impossible. But then your living on the clock and not living your life.

  2. Avatar of BobinMOBobinMO

    Call me practical, but of course I’d love to know when I’m going to kick the bucket. It sure would make money management easier. We’re always finding ourselves worrying about “if we have enough” in the bank just in case we live longer than expected. In other words, we deny ourselves goodies we’d really like – if only we knew we didn’t need the money.

    Some of my friends worry all the time about “when” they’ll die. To me this just doesn’t make sense. Why not accept it as being the ultimate get-a-way. Why not accept it as just one more of those “must take care of” on our bottomless list of chores. There’s just some things we can’t avoid be it paying taxes, mowing the yard or washing the cat. I don’t see it as being a chore. I prefer to call it something I’m lucky enough to dislike. Paying the taxes provides social services. Mowing the yard makes our home look nicer and bathing the cat gives me a reason for a total blood transfusion. They’re SO refreshing!

  3. Avatar of JeffJeff

    I, too, would prefer to get a “heads up” for both of us. For selfish reasons, it would allow me additional time for emotional preparation. Also very important in making decisions about the utilization of resources. Financial and otherwise.
    Besides the responsibility of caring for our loved ones, we also have to be very concerned about our own well being and outliving our resources. I would like to be able to anticipate and plan better. I think few would argue, there are levels of care, and then there are levels of care.

    I want to live, rather than exist. None of us are getting out of this life alive.

    As the old joke goes…. I would like to make the last check I write returned for NSF :)

  4. Avatar of DeniseDenise Post author

    Hi–I’ve debated about this and at this moment (I could change my mind) I don’t want to know. :) I realize that not knowing is a motivator for me. I want to be healthy in my future, for however long my future will be. I want to have good relationships, for however long my family and friends will be in my life. Because I don’t know, I don’t look too far beyond this moment. I do my best to make the right decision for the moment. :)


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