@G-J shared a story with me about caring for her father about five years ago during our Sandwich Shop talk show in January. After her mother died, G-J’s father moved from Arizona to her home in California. After a few months of living together, G-J invited her father to join her husband and son on a long-planned week-long vacation.
His response: Absolutely not. I’m not going.
But G-J couldn’t not go. It had been a difficult time for her and her family. She missed her mom. And, the transition of having her father live with her family was rough; she gathered guilt every day as she watched her husband and son make sacrifices to make the living arrangement work. She couldn’t ask them to give up a vacation that they couldn’t wait to start.
So, she came up with a solution that ensured she and her family enjoyed their trip and gave her peace of mind that her father would be okay in their absence.
She found an assisted living facility in her community which offers respite stays—short-term stays so that a family caregiver (and sometimes a family) can get a break.
Both assisted living facilities and skilled nursing facilities offer respite stays; some facilities offer stays for as short as a long weekend. You’ll want to search for a facility for short-term stays as if you’re looking for a permanent place. You’ll want to visit facilities, ask questions and research the kind of care the facility provides. (See “How Do I Find the Right Facility?” and Help to Find Quality Care for more information on searching for facilities.)
If you plan to use a facility for a respite stay of a week or longer, you may want to do a test run—have your family member stay for a long weekend while you’re in town so you can work through any glitches that come up. During the weekend stay, you’ll learn what to expect, how to prepare and how to manage, which will help you feel more comfortable leaving for that longer vacation.
It can worrisome when you leave your family member. As G-J told me, it’s like sending your child off to camp. To ease your worries, you can schedule regular phone calls and check-ins with your family member while you’re gone. You also may want to leave a calendar with your family member that details the schedule of phone calls as well as the day you’ll return. Consider sending notes and postcards and care packages to your family member while you’re gone. And, ask other family members and friends to visit more frequently in your absence.
Typically, your family member will pay for the short-term stay. Funding for respite stays may be available for programs offered through the Department of Veterans Affairs (if your family member is a veteran) and through your local Area Agency. You’ll find contact information for these programs listed below.
If your family member qualifies for Medicaid (the insurance program for low-income individuals), ask your family member’s case worker for information on coverage for respite stays. In addition, if your family member currently receives care through Hospice, check with the Hospice social worker about benefits for respite stays.
When have you used an assisted living or skilled nursing facility for a short-term stay? What suggestions would you to offer to others considering a short-term respite stay?
- Part One: Getting a Break: Ideas to Get a Few Hours of Respite
- Park Two: Getting a Break: Ideas to Get a Day of Respite
- Part Three: Getting a Break Ideas for a Week of Respite
- Time Out: Signs You Need a Vacation
- Returning to Caregiving: Ten Tips to Breaking the After-Break Break-Up
- Join our Caregiving Cruise: November 11-15, 2013
- The Department of Veterans Affairs website: www.benefits.va.gov/PENSIONANDFIDUCIARY/pension/aid_attendance_housebound.asp You also can call VA’s National Caregiver Support Line at 1-855-260-3274.
- Search eldercare.gov to find the contact information for your local Area Agency on Aging: www.eldercare.gov
- Respite Care: www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare.NET/Public/Resources/Factsheets/Respite_Care.aspx
- The ABC’s of Respite: www.archrespite.org/consumer-information
- Now Available: The Caregiving Years, Sixth Edition (caregiving.com)
- Tips for Avoiding the Family Feud (caregiving.com)
- Dip (caregiving.com)
- Video Chat: Managing Changes in a Caregiving Marriage (caregiving.com)
- Ensuring You Hire Quality Care (caregiving.com)
- Co-Caregiving: Recognizing the Pitfalls and Avoiding the Sinkholes (caregiving.com)
- The What If Fairy (caregiving.com)