A Move for Mom

moving-truckHey Fellow Carers, it’s the prodigal member. I’m sorry that I haven’t checked in again sooner. I’ve had some time off, and decided to include catching up here as part of that.

I’m entering a daunting phase with caring for my mom, in that her name is supposedly on the relatively shorter list to be contacted in order to be offered an apartment at a very popular and good, local senior housing residence, known as the Jack Satter House, here in Revere, Mass. Of course, we’d rather Mom lucked out and got a one-bedroom, but the wait for those is currently something like five to eight years. She would probably be first offered a studio, for which the present waiting period is one to three years.

This will be difficult. Mom has lived in her 100-year-old home for, literally, about 60 years. Dad’s been gone for almost eight years now. I continue to rent, living nearby. For some who remember me here, they may recall that ours is the house that was co-owned all those years by my parents (upstairs) and my dad’s sister and husband (downstairs). Well, my aunt and uncle who owned and lived in downstairs have been deceased for several years now. They have two grown, older sons, one who lives in Florida and wants nothing to do with his half of the house and not much to do with his brother, either. That other brother, one of my two cousins, lives in a nearby town but spends half the year in Florida visiting his family and not really having much to do with his half of the house, where utilities are shut down and which he never really checks in on. I know he’s unhappy that he has had no income coming in for his unoccupied half of our house versus regularly continuing quarterly house tax payment needs, but he had apparently not tried or wanted to rent it out during much of this time. Plus, he does have health issues as do I.

Well, if Mom does accept a place they offer her that she likes, my cousin and I have decided that we would like basically to go through the steps necessary to put the whole house on the market for sale ”as is.” We realize we’d take a loss, but he wants to move south where his kids are, which is understandable. And I do not want to live in, landlord over, or be responsible for taking care of the structure and surrounding property of an aging house. I would personally be just happy, hopefully, to someday have enough returns from such a sale to put a down payment toward buying a condo for myself.

If mom gets this move, the residence will take 30% of her income as rent (which for them doesn’t include home, vehicle, life insurance policy, etc., but rather only pension or social security–the latter of these two is all my mother receives monthly). Then there is an automatic $200 meals fee for evening meals provided five weekdays a week. That means that more monies will be taken from my mom out of her relatively small monthly social security funds than now, out of which I pay for most of her existing utilities, credit, and related bills (but not all, the rest being paid by me out of my own funds). This move will mean my needing to actually pay more of her remaining bills out of my own, separate funds. But the upswing would be that mom would also not need anymore to worry about paying monthly heating or electricity bills, or quarterly bills such as water and real estate taxes anymore, etc.

The move would also mean that her CAPIC elder discount for heating her home would need to end, which I couldn’t afford to pay full-cost out of my own salary and savings; so I’d need to work with my cousin to hopefully pass off the house sooner, rather than later, and meanwhile turn down utility levels.

So much to think of. It’s sad that near the end of grown parents’ and their children’s lives, so much time, effort, energy and emotion can’t be given as much to joys as to making ends meet and to survival, which will only end with the carees progressively becoming weaker and closer to the conclusion of their lives.

Thank goodness they continue to make Nutella and Newman’s Own Extra Bold K-Cup Coffee, is all I have to say about it all! :) )

XX,
Gary

Avatar of Gary

About Gary

Hi! I'm Gary, in my early 50s, and sole surviving sibling adult caregiver to my elderly widowed mom in her 80s, since my dad passed away from cancer almost 10 years ago. Mom and I have been on a long caregiving journey, and now she is seeing some rewards--and herself--for the first time in a long time as a new resident of a senior residence. Balancing this with my work, my own chronic health physical challenges, and moving on selling our old house.. But this site has been such a lifesaver...here's to all us caregivers! In 2012, I finally also earned my Certificate in Graduate Studies in Gerontology: Management of Aging Services from UMass/Boston. --I've learned so much on this journey! :)

2 thoughts on “A Move for Mom

  1. Avatar of darciejanedarciejane

    Sounds problematic, Gary, and I certainly sympathize. When my mom needed to move, we were extremely fortunate in being able to sell her home for a decent price in a TERRIBLE market, and find her the perfect small apartment close to us. I had visions of the house sitting there on the market for years, sucking us all dry. I hope you find a resolution to all of this. It will be a big load off everyone’s mind when you can get past it. I’m curious as to how the “as is” thing works…..can one put a home on the market with a lot of unfixed problems? This would me my own home I’m talking about now…..thinking about now not to leave my kids with a mess to deal with.

    Reply
  2. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi Gary–I always love when you pop in. :) It’s always great to see you.

    Your post really shows how difficult any move is because so much is affected. You really have to think through and think ahead because otherwise you inadvertently create a house of cards. All the pieces have to fit in order for the whole to work.

    How are you feeling these days? And, how does your mom feel about the upcoming move?

    Reply

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