Crown Of Thorns (Running for Cover)

Crown of thorns from Koovery

Crown of thorns from Koovery (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“May the ‘God’ of your understanding richly bless you and stay well” @rainbow.

As it’s Sunday while I type this post after last night’s chat and my post about losing my temper with my father, I found that I got devoured by the Tiger of Dementia. That Beast of Depression took over last night and it’s not quite gone yet.  I haven’t slept well for days.  There is only so much yelling I can take and I don’t know if I’m at burnout right now.

I don’t remember if I mentioned I landed in a safe house last year, but here I am with more trust in this community with a Crown of Thorns saying the Tiger’s caught me and I’m running for cover.

It is so hard to say (or not to say): “Hey!  I’m so angry despite the dementia, that my work in caring for you is not acknowledged, so I’m angry.”  Somewhere in the midst of thorns is a wish that all are well, but I’ve lost sight of that beauty at the moment in response to, “Nope,” when it comes to signing papers so I can bring in money through the government as a caregiver and further help.

How do I see that Dad’s pride is in the way of that help, or his fear or whatever emotion is saying that his daughter is not working?  How can I keep breathing my way through the arguments? How can I self-protect in the midst of hiding and unlock the Key-of-Rest Lockout and “beige” validation of self?

May “God” bless you with our insights and may the spirits move us as the community that we are.  I’m so glad we have each other! @rainbow, @ildestino1, @chris, @denise, @worriedwife, @kreisler, @ejourneys, et. al.

Always, il

Retro payment from Social Security and other funding. (sigh)…

Yes, a safehouse but I don’t ever want to land there again. Father is abusive and it’s hard not to say…


4 thoughts on “Crown Of Thorns (Running for Cover)

  1. Avatar of BobBob

    Hi il, Your pain is very palpable. Sounds like your lost your temper and then felt guilty and got depressed. I’m very familiar with that cycle. It’s called being human. None of us is perfect. I wish I could offer something to help with the heart-breaking stress your going through. I’ll think of a blog to bring you some peace…..

  2. Avatar of IlIl Post author

    Hi Bob. Hi Adele (get used to it Adele :). Yes I ‘was human’ is putting it mildly. The cycle is OK I’m the one who is the abu*** word . . which to me is a curse word. . . . Yes please to another blog . . .and thank you for your replies that are poetry in themselves . . . Yes it is so very heart breaking . . . you help I think more than you know. xxxooo(((hugs)))

  3. Avatar of BobBob

    Coming up soon in a cinema near you. Watch out for coming attractions.

    Fro now: “The sun shines in your home— because you are there.”
    by Denise Brown in
    “Take Comfort”
    page 51

  4. Avatar of IlIl Post author

    Bob every time you reply I’m speechless and I just stare at the screen . . . computer screen that is . . . Blindingly Close Magic.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>