No One Thinks of Me
I’ve been so caught up in everyone’s wants and needs. Trying to find some time to sit on here and write. But I’m sitting here on the porch, Gma’s got my son on her walker seat banging on the window of the door. She finally walks away, with my son in tow I’m sure. Then comes my fiancé and my stepdaughter, bickering and being loud. They call me mean. I wonder why. I have to raise my voice and tell him I came out here for some peace and quiet.
I can tell when things get to much for me because I get this pressure in my chest. Kind of like a heavy, suffocating, anxious feeling where, I believe, my soul is. I need to release everything that’s bottled up in there so I can take on another few months of all this. It’s not easy by any means to break away from them. I’m a mother first off. A step-mother in another sense. A caregiver second. A fiancé last. At the end of the day, there’s nothing left for me, nothing left of me. I’m used up and thrown aside. I hate it.
Everything I give these people and not once have they looked at me with my crazy hair, sucken-in eyes with bags-a-hanging, wearing the same clothes for the last two days, smelling… (Well, IDK. I don’t think I smell but I’m pretty sure it isn’t the fresh-out-0f-the-shower kind of smell) …and think…IDK: Maybe I could do the dinner dishes, pick up the six soda cans laying around the house (Papa), not give me a hard time about the things I need to do or I haven’t done yet, what I need to get, what doesn’t taste right, what chores need done, etc (Gma), how about picking up after your brother AND myself (12-year-old stepdaughter), maybe refilling the TP dispenser with a new roll of TP (I’m the ONLY one that does this and it’s a pet peeve of mine) or the bathroom sink could use a good cleaning since I constantly have to wash the fish filters out in the bathroom SINK (fiancé). Oh yeah, how about picking up the little pieces of paper, popsicle sleeves and empty cups laying around (stepdaughter). I think the only innocent one around here is my two-year-old because he just doesn’t know any better.
I’ve attempted to tell my fiancé a helping hand every now and again would be nice and would help me not complain so much around here. I’m starting to feel like this is my prison again. I get to that point and my carees start seeing it. Then they start contributing and I’m relieved BUT then it slowly dies off and it’s back to the same ol’ routine. He’s been home a lot more due to work slowing down but still he’s got it good. Makes good money working a few days a week from five-hour to 10-hour days. BUT, with less work, he’s obtained a hobby. A very annoying hobby. So there goes any attempt of me having my own hobby. Because he’s constantly tinkering with his RC cars. There’s no hug or kiss when he gets home from work. It’s straight to our room to ticker until it’s really late. Meanwhile, I’m laying in bed, praying for sleep.
Just asking for a helping hand. But in all reality, pick up after yourself and do one chore a day. That’s it. I think it’s about time this tween learns to do some housework; if only I can get her father to back me up. Maybe even some consideration but I get smart remarks and sarcasm. Well. What do you do? With the exception of my grandparents and two-year-old, I’d like nothing more than to do nothing for them two and maybe see if there will be some gratification when they learn how easy I make their life.
Rant over. I need to go clean the kitchen, sweep the floors, wipe down the dinner table, pick up my son’s toys, clean up the kids room, shower… with my son in tow (I like to multitask when I can), let the dogs out, make the bed, then make my nightly wake minutes before I lay down for anything else I forgot to do and to check on the grandparents. Nite all.
- Listen Here! (caregiving.com)
- The Beginning (caregiving.com)
- I Didn’t Shave My Legs for This (caregiving.com)
- No One Talks About the Poop (caregiving.com)
- Graceldoor and the Three Bedrooms: Someone’s Been Sleeping in My Bed (caregiving.com)
- My Worst Fear: Unwanted News (caregiving.com)
- Call Me Wonder Woman (caregiving.com)
- Nicole’s Make-a-Wish trip (caregiving.com)
- Focus (caregiving.com)