Scapegoat (Double Dementia Paradox Part Two)

The Scapegoat by William Holman Hunt (1827-1910)

The Scapegoat by William Holman Hunt (1827-1910) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Addendum (to ketzela’s Blog: Being a Punching Bag): “So you don’t feel alone, I’m ‘in the same boat.’  My father lashes out at me.  I didn’t realize it is unfortunately common for dads to lash out at daughters, but I guess it is. I go through this every day. Today it was not taking the garbage out correctly. I’m glad you were able to talk things out, too. I would love some tips from you! (((hugs ))) il.”

Lately I’ve been struggling with being the scapegoat in my family. I’ve been told that I’m screwed up (literally), to leave, to not leave, that I don’t help, that my brother is better than me,  that my ex-husband was “right” in leaving me (e.g., I’m a mess and “do you blame him? Look at the…”).

Get over it. Let it go. I will walk in the house to my father not saying, “Hi, it’s good to see you!” Today I had gone to the Farmer’s Market and bought some flowers as I usually do. It’s a wonderful thing to do. I then come home and the first thing I hear from my Dad is, “Don’t! put the paper in the garbage!”  He proceeds to talk about me to my Mom.

The cycle continues.  I re-traumatize.  They decompensate.  I “fail” to be the stick that doesn’t push the river. I push the river and proceed to shut down.  To react and then not know if I’m sorry or what emotion I’m feeling. Overload.  I wish things were different.  I want my father to accept me, but I can’t change him.  I want my Mom back. I can’t. Need to scan my anxiety (scananxiety). Hugs Please.

Always, il

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6 thoughts on “Scapegoat (Double Dementia Paradox Part Two)

  1. Heather

    I would happily hug you today. Long enough that you knew that what I really meant was to bring you real soul comfort in the face of hard work and rare reward.

    I would also bring you coffee – because that’s what I do. I hope that the sun shines on your face for awhile today.

    Reply
    • Avatar of IlIl Post author

      Heather this is gorgeous. Thank you for tuning in to ‘my needs’, especially the coffee and the sun sentiments . . .Bless Your Heart.
      I’m trying to figure out how to send you a friendship request. Don’t see you and I get a link to a webpage when I click on your avatar. If you’re up to it . . . please send me a ‘request’ and I’ll gladly accept! il

      Reply
  2. Avatar of IlIl Post author

    Got it Lisa . . . not too hard . .just right . . got that kink out of my back! :) This time thanks for coming into my house! ((hugs back))) il
    p.s. I like big blondes now that’s oh my . . . there’s humour in that one big time . . . I mean er uh er uh glad to call you a friend :)!!! il

    Reply
  3. Avatar of PegiPegi

    “Hi, its good to see you.” That I mean. Hoping for a more peaceful afternoon. And don’t let your family make you feel less than; you’re the one doing the heavy listing.

    Reply
  4. Avatar of IlIl Post author

    Oh Pegi you’re a dear . . . what’s ‘listing’ . .this is so very well timed . . .BOTH my parents fell this a.m. and I need to get out of the house! (((((hugs)))))))))) il Oh the list goes on??? is that what you mean??

    Reply

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