experimental raindrop bokeh (hbw 3)
experimental raindrop bokeh (hbw 3) (Photo credit: jmtimages)

Inspired by @ejourneys, as so many others have been in her latest post, I was thinking about the need to cry out in grief this morning.

For some reason, I don’t feel allowed to have emotions, let alone cry them out once in a while. When I do want to cry, I don’t seem to be able to release those tears. I wake up pretty much every day grieving about something, whether it be financial worries, divorce, the multiple traumas that happen every day (e.g. dinner and Mom), and my life plan and eventually I land here and receive validation beyond my expectations.

Every day as caregivers we grieve. We grieve ourselves, we grieve the loss of our parents and our carees, those we love and seem to be losing, including ourselves. Pegi (@worriedwife), I feel for you so much about your husband and hope you don’t mind my reply in a blog. I can’t imagine what it’s like to care for a spouse just as others say they can’t imagine what it’s like to care for parents.

I wonder if not allowing ourselves to cry is a defense mechanism so we can cope with the daily challenges and if that is why I love the Three Positives group.

But it’s essential to let those emotions out, even if it’s hitting a pillow. Living  with my parents, I lose sight of how strong I am (that was hard to type :)!). Divorce, Moving, Caring For Parents, Navigating The Medical System In A New County, The List Goes On.

I’d like to encourage people to write out just what I did so they can see how strong they are. I see it every day in posts, blogs, people dropping things to be there for me and for each other. And I’d like to know if anyone has insights or can relate to the block to crying things out.

Lastly, Mom made me laugh this morning. She was sneezing and said, “I think I’m allergic to mornings!”

Always, il

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11 Comments on "Tears"

Profile photo of Denise
Jul 6, 2013

Hi Il–Why do you think it’s hard to cry?

This article from 2010 may add some insight for you:

When I need a good cry and can’t get one, I rent a movie (or watch one on TV) which will make me cry. :) I completely agree with you–it’s so important that the feelings come out.

Profile photo of ejourneys
Jul 6, 2013

Hi, Il — I cry pretty easily, but my partner’s been learning to cry, too. The bottom line is that we both have a safe space to be that vulnerable. (We both grew up in households where we received the response, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to really cry about!”)

My mother, who was stoic through her stressful job and severe heart condition, cried during Marx Brothers movies. My father and I would be laughing at all the antics, but my mother focused on the subplots: the lovers would be separated or the theater would have to close — and those scenes were safe places for her to cry.

Marge Piercy’s poem “For Strong Women” always gets my waterworks going: http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/strongwomen.htm (((Hugs)))