I love my husband.
This is a phrase I often repeat, out loud or to myself, doesn’t matter. It’s like the instructions for shampoo, rinse and repeat.
I love my husband.
And having said that… He is a total pain in the butt!
He is the funniest, most caring and loving person I have ever known but he doesn’t take care of himself.
He loved working out. In fact, he was so in love with working out it was all he did before he got sick. His idea of a fun time was to lift weights while mine was to lift donuts. But he HATES to take medication. He hates talking about himself in terms of how he feels. Emotions, what are those? He has two settings: Whatever and Whatever Deluxe.
I remind my mom all the time, I don’t have kids. Her response is, “Yes, you do, one big gigantic baby.” And we laugh about it but deep down, I cringe. It’s true. Yet, the reverse can be said when there are things I’d rather not do, like take that walk when I could be eating that delicious chocolate cake instead. And after being chastised by Marc about my begrudging behavior, I’d lace up my shoes and hit the pavement with him, whining the entire way.
And so since he begrudgingly does anything related to his health right now, I have created the dreaded checklist. After being at so many doctors appointments, I have learned how and what they check for and keep close eye on those things he could care less about.
He’s a very stoic person. I’ve seen him take some pretty hard hits and keep on going like it was just another day. And his favorite word when I ask him how he feels is “fine.” FINE… What does that even mean?
So we start with… When was the last time you took your temperature? Have you taken your meds this morning? Did you eat with those meds? Come let me look at your eyes. Open them wide. Okay, let me feel your glands. Have you been coughing? Sneezing? Blowing your nose? Any headaches? On what side do you have them? Does your eye bother you? Is it hurting or itching or both? Do your ears bother you? Do you feel any pressure in your face, under your eyes, around your temples, in your forehead, on top of your head? Any chest pain? How’s your breathing? Open your mouth and let me see your tongue. Any tingling sensations in your arms, feet, hands? Any pain any other places in your body?
He says I ask more questions than the doctors do.
This is not even half of the questions. We then go into neurological testing where I make him answer what most people seem to think are insane questions but since I know how he functions, they’re really rather easy questions.
I do all of this and more because the last time he answered me with, “I feel fine” he ended up having a seizure at work and being hospitalized for a week in ICU, the first time.
Now, that we’ve moved and the insurance is in the ever pending stage with COBRA because apparently they can’t take a payment over the phone and it takes weeks to process one by mail, I need to be extra cautious about what’s going on.
Yet, even with the checklist it did not prepare me for the last couple days of him suffering from really bad tremors. He’s shaking all the time, mostly when he’s at rest. And we have a doctor appointment of Wednesday I am afraid they may not see him if the insurance doesn’t finally backdate and make his COBRA coverage effective by then.
These are the things that have had me in a panic. And with these tremors, it could be nothing. He did have a recent increase in meds before we left Arizona. Or it can be something because it’s only been since end of April when he had his brain biopsy and he was not supposed to be lifting more than five pounds which I know for a fact he has disobeyed recently. Thinking he was being helpful during the move but really just causing me undue stress.
So, I am worried that with everything on my checklist, I have missed something major and even so, I can’t get him to a doctor like I want to. He is in desperate need of another MRI because of all the things he’s been doing. Or I should say, I am in desperate need of him having that MRI to ease my conscience that he is okay.
Once we’re back seeing the doctors regularly, I will be able to rest, relax a little and focus on what’s next for him and for me.