2005 mousetrap cage 3

2005 mousetrap cage 3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you remember that ’80s song with the video on MTV where the man moves from real life into a pencil drawing of walls and doors? I really wish I could remember the name and the lyrics as they would be appropriate now. I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll start in the middle.

I need to work and have funds coming in to pay for health insurance and a babysitter for my daughter.

I need babysitting for my daughter so I can work to get money.

I can’t get an attorney via the community programs because I make too much.

My only salary is social security and I’m restricted as to how much I can make. But I need an attorney to finish some things on Hubby’s estate.

There is zero funds to Hubby’s estate.

Bills are still being sent to the “Estate of….”.

My daughter and I don’t have insurance.

We make too much so we don’t qualify for healthcare assistance programs.

The public school will accept anyone to attend.

But there is no room in the application for widowed parents, only divorced and married.

I am repeatedly told that I am doing well now that Hubby has passed.

Unfortunately according to many, I am not accomplishing my tasks fast enough.

In a few months I need to go away for a business meeting out of town which I’m very excited about. But I don’t have anyone to stay with Little One. I called the school to get contact info to connect with other parents in the classroom and I got chewed out by the principal and then told it was okay to have her come with me on the business trip instead of attending school. She then further told me that I should have been networking with my neighbors. I reminded her that my Hubby had passed and we spent the last three years in hospitals. “Well you should have worked harder.”

After that call, I didn’t know whether to be emotional, angry or cry.

I’ve been told that I should call for a meeting with the principal but I’m afraid if I do then that will create trouble for my Little One. As it was the principal was being snarky the night before because I couldn’t immediately locate my license for school computer registration.

In the background, I have a bi-polar parent that I caregive delicately for from afar (intentionally!) as my parent is very corrosive and I’ve had to distance myself even further.

Now that I’ve written all of this, I feel better. But I still have to address these impossible things.

Help! Someone let me out!

The Roaring Mouse

Avatar of Roaring Mouse

About Roaring Mouse

I am a G-d speed caregiver for a spouse who had a spinal cord injury, syringomyelia, autonomic dysreflexia, TBI x 2 (Tramatic Brain Injury), complex regional pain syndrome and two shunts.  I've been with for over two years now and have actively participated in the Caregifter Essay program. As an Emergency Management Disability Liaison for a nationwide disability disaster response non-profit, I work to engage both disaster responding and the disability communities to network and collaborate on disaster planning while educating and advocate both on the importance of the topic.  In my spare time I volunteer at a local spinal cord rehab therapy center gifting both the clients and the caregivers with resources and silly jokes so they leave with a smile.

3 thoughts on “Trapped!

  1. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi RM–It’s a horrible feeling to feel trapped, as if solutions and options have completely disappeared. I’m glad you feel better after writing it out. I think it all feels soooo overwhelming when we keep it. Letting it out helps us see possibilities.

    You are full of possibilities, RM. I hope today showed them to you. :)

  2. Avatar of ejourneysejourneys

    As Denise said, I hope that putting it all out there can point you toward a way out of the trap.

    What I can also say is this: Anyone who passes any kind of judgment on you through this whole process needs to get their head examined. I’m being restrained here, but only because it’s really, really hard typing with my fists. :-)

    I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed for solutions. (((Hugs)))

  3. Avatar of PegiPegi

    The principal who dared to make such a comment to you with all you and your daughter have been through needs to be reported to someone. I am near speechless with the blatant insensitivity. You have done such a remarkable job throughout the whole ordeal of illness, loss and trying to rebuild a life for your daughter and yourself. Those who choose to judge would not make it far in your shoes. I wish there was something I could do to help you. You were so wonderful giving me all those referrals and info on syringo. If you can think of a way I can, just let me know. In the meantime all I can do is tell you that you are an extraordinary woman and send good vibes and prayers your way. Hoping of answers for you soon.


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