It’s Sunday, usually a day to brew coffee, sit on the porch in dual recliners and take time to read the newspaper. (Yeah, we are old fashioned here and love putting our feet up and sharing the Sunday paper while drinking strong coffee.)
But today, like many days lately, the paper gets read late in the day or not at all. Mom is still in rehab and I feel like we are spinning our wheels. She still says it is too painful to put weight on her left leg. After taking x-rays of her thigh last week the doctor now wants to get a bone scan. Without knowing specifically if either her pelvis or femur are newly fractured they still will not let her weight bear, so tomorrow, two weeks into this, they are going to take her to another hospital for a bone scan of her pelvis and upper legs. They will inject her with dye at 9 a.m. and then two to three hours later will do the scan which takes approximately 45 minutes.
So maybe we will get an answer, and then what? Even though she has not put any weight on this leg for over two weeks, the case manager has targeted this Friday for her to come home. I’m having a tough time with that right now. First, for the last five days an old back injury of mine has reared it ugly head and I have had pain running across my back and down my right leg. It was pretty horrific years ago and I have been trying not to panic. Tomorrow at 9:30 I have an appointment for myself for my back made before the guys at rehab decided Mom needed the scan. Then yesterday my head started to ache and my throat got all itchy.
So I am sitting here feeling like crap and feeling guilty for not being the perfect daughter. I feel guilty because I won’t be there to go with Mom for the scan because I will be going to an appointment of my own. I feel guilty because I just don’t know how I can bring Mom home if she can’t put any weight on her leg and therefore cannot use her walker to move around.
The case manager seems to think it will be so easy. When I said we have two steps to get into the house she cheerfully said I could learn to “bump” the wheelchair up the stairs. Yeah, with my back hurting, the same back that when I injured it years ago pinched the nerve so badly that I had no reflex in my foot and experienced the frightening reality of telling yourself to hop on your right foot and nothing happening! Not kidding here, I thought “hop” and zero happened. No movement. No nothing. It took months to heal. So the thought of “bumping” a wheelchair using my back isn’t on my radar, no matter what she says.
Not to mention how to get a 94-year-old from her bed, to the bathroom, to her sitting room, on the carpet, in the tiny hallway, etc., etc.. So here I am feeling lousy. My head hurts, my ears hurt, my back hurts and I know I am probably blowing things way out of proportion, but I’m feeling overwhelmed and guilty.
They say growing old ain’t for sissies. You know what? Caregiving ain’t for sissies either.
- In November, Share Your 10 Best Caregiving Tips (caregiving.com)
- You’ll Be Okay: Godspeed Caregivers Comfort Today’s Family Caregivers (caregiving.com)
- The Sick Caregiver (caregiving.com)
- The Pitch White Light (caregiving.com)
- Farewell (caregiving.com)