Mystifying or Mortifying, That is the Question
I found myself with a strange conundrum this week. I come here. Here to this community of caregivers. Throughout the last eighteen months or so I have pretty much opened my heart and my world to you. I have written about every aspect of my life, anything that is going on, not just my experiences as my husband’s caregiver.
Sometimes just random thoughts or feelings about a good day or a bad day. You have traveled with me through the quagmire of medical issues, the insanity of our unplanned move, our exile at Motel 6, the passing of my beloved mother. I have also shared the joy my son and his family bring to me. The refreshing of a weary heart by just the sight of those I love the best.
Silly things that strike my fancy, like my trip to the bakery. A lovely day or just moments of very personal reflection. I come here and write, without filter, without edit. I post my art, which I’ve just recently returned to without hesitation, not wondering if it’s good enough. If I have anything to share anything on my mind, I come here without faltering. I blog knowing I will not be judged. Knowing I can explore my innermost self freely.
This week I was telling my sister about one of the recent CareGifters books, the one on Loss. I mentioned to her that @Trish put the blogs I wrote about our mother in this book, and how happy I was that her memory would go on long after I’m gone. She asked me if I would email them to her. Of course, no problem, you’re my older sister, the one who babysat me. You are the one who is always there if I need an ear.
And, yet, as I typed a short note to accompany the attached blogs, I felt incredibly vulnerable. I hesitated at the “send” button before I pressed it. There it went. The deed was done. No going back. It was a surreal moment. This is my sister who loves me. Why did I feel so exposed?
So, as I ponder this strange dilemma, I return here. To my safe place, to my community, to my friends. I put this question to you. Have any of you ever had the same inexplicable feeling or experience?
- I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar (caregiving.com)
- Our Caregiving Garage Sale Is October 19 (caregiving.com)
- Dating During Caregiving… (caregiving.com)
- Video Chat: How Do We Define a Primary Family Caregiver? (caregiving.com)
- NJ, NY, CT Family Caregivers Needed for a Documentary (caregiving.com)
- In Six Words, What Have You Discovered About Yourself After Caregiving? (aftergiving.com)