Unexpected Changes

emergency_room_591In my last posts I was speaking about how we thought Smokey was getting better, in pain, but getting better.

After a routine MRI to check to see how much the area had healed, we get a call the next day to get to the ER Immediately.

And so we have been here since Friday. But nothing much has happened that we could not have done at home, except, of course the slew of tests they are running to find out what is going on.

The MRI showed two very large abscesses, one five times the size it was when we started the treatment a year ago in his throat that he has been on the IV’s and meds for a whole years now.  And then remember I told you his thoracic back where it had been broken before had started to cause him pain and was getting worse. Well there is an abscess there, too, larger than then one in his throat.

Tomorrow they are going to see if they can drain any of it. In the past, they have had issues with that because of the complexity of where these areas are. If they can’t drain them, then we have other bigger issues to discuss. Apparently the antibiotics he has been on all this time have not been doing the job they hoped they be doing. The bigger and scarier issue is I don’t think they even know what they are dealing with.

I know you have probably heard on the news all the new infections that are happening that they can’t keep up with and can’t find solutions for. It’s possible Smokey is one of these cases. The there is Mema. I think my brother-in-law, who has been the one that has been so hateful to us, is caring for her. I think. I know my neighbors are checking in and I also know no one whats to bother me while I am here trying to wrap my brain around what is happening.

I wrote letters today to several companies that I would not be able to pay them this month. Luckily, I make enough money for October to pay the house payment and utilities and car. I looked through my list of bills to see what else I can cancel and get rid of, and well I have cancelled absolutely everything I can with exception to my medical insurance and life insurance. Both is which may need to be used so don’t really consider those options.

I sold a sofa today, and my daughter is going to take care of that and make sure the funds get in the bank for me. That will help. I have several other things for sale, but haven’t had time to finish the descriptions and get them on Ebay of something to try to sell. I also have some construction items that I have had people bugging me about for years to sell to them, so when I have finally decided okay, I will sell them to you, they don’t want the whole pile, they just want a few items. Please give me a break!

So I emailed designers and contractors who might have an interest in them, and yes with my story and why I am in need to sell them. Hopefully not for the cheapest they can come up with but with a little compassion for my situation.

I know ya’ll have heard me said so selfishly how badly I really wanted to hold on to my home. And that really hasn’t changed, yet. But God may have other plans and I will have to take one day at time. I am still believing in the miracles I need and still believing in the God that makes them happen. And even if I don’t get them, it won’t change my mind. God is God and I will not question His reasoning even if I don’t understand what He is doing.

I haven’t heard anything about the writing I have done and the publisher it was sent to, there is still hope there. If I can bring myself to finish the book to enter the Guideposts contest, even if it is not completely following their guidelines, maybe they will see something that has potential and send me down a road that will help whatever future God has for me.

Honestly, I can tell you right now, I don’t feel like a future. I feel like I want Jesus to just come on and take us home, and pray I am ready.

Right now, I hate hospitals, and the showers, I hate that it cost $9 to buy a banana, bottle of water and a protein bar. I make it last all day.

Right now I would like to look the devil square in his ugly eyes and let him know that whatever he throws at us, he won’t get us. God Wins, God Wins, God Wins. And by the way if I didn’t make that clear enough….

God wins all the time.

As we pray for the Caregiving group in my daily prayers, please remember us in your prayers. I would love to sit in my home, wrap my arms around a healthy Smokey and talk and dream about all the people we are going to bless in the future.

And Remember,

God Wins!

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3 thoughts on “Unexpected Changes

  1. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi Carla–I am so sorry. I’m sending many positive thoughts to both of you.

    Do you know about our WAIT Buddy program? We have volunteers who can check in on you with text messages during a caree’s hospitalization. If you’d like one, please let me know. (Just send me an email with your cell phone number.) It can help to receive a text full of comfort and support. :)

    Please keep us posted as you can.

    Reply
  2. Avatar of PegiPegi

    Carla, so sorry all this has happening to Smokey and you. I hope that they find a safe way to deal with these abscesses. You are both in my prayers.

    Reply

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