Days of Struggle

_MG_9511In these days of struggle, I have all the strength I need.

My dogs snuggle with me as if I am the sole source of love in the universe. I am given their kisses like only heroes deserve, in spite of my many human failings.

I also have the respect of a disrespectful house cat that seems to understand that her family is under threat. She dwells among us when we have no food to offer; she finds our attention worthy of acceptance when our need to give her unconditional love is greater than her patience.

This world is out of balance.

We are receiving unbounded love from friends and family, from people who are deeply invested in our past and present. The truth is our future is unknown yet decided, our spirit is unbent, unwilling, unchanged from the love we shared from day one, or day one thousand, or day one hundred thousand.

These are the darkest, and yet the greatest days of my meaningless life.

Her life is the ultimate goal, yet no life lasts forever.

Have I come to accept her demise to cancer?

F#$K NO.

Have I dedicated my life to her comfort and dignity?

Yes, yes, a million times yes.

The ultimate truth is that these days of struggle bring an unspeakable meaning, a meaning that fuels a superhuman strength, which refuses to allow suffering in the greatest person I’ve ever known.

Got all that?

How about I simplify it all for you?

I love her, and she will know comfort and dignity as long as I have a say in her next breath.

THIS is us.

This is us forever.

Amen.

Reprinted from my blog: http://besidesthecancer.org/?p=663

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Avatar of Bob Marcotte

About Bob Marcotte

WHAT ABOUT BOB?My name is Bob Marcotte, and I am a musician, photographer, author and caregiver. Unlike my other job titles, the caregiver job title came without training and with little notice. Now, it’s the job title I am most proud of.I live in California with my wife, Carole, who is still recovering from her massive surgeries. We are guarded and kept company by our two dogs and a cat, all rescued animals. After the Stanford medical miracle, perhaps Carole can be considered ‘rescued’, too.You can contact us at bob@besidesthecancer.org .ABOUT THE BOOKIf everyone's life is a book, and every day a page, then there are some days that deserve to be dog-eared. Your high school graduation, your wedding day, the birth of your children, and the day that your doctor discusses cancer with you for the first time.I wrote "You Mean, Besides the Cancer?" to vent frustration, to keep hold of my sanity, and hopefully help future caregivers. If you are a caregiver, or about to be one, this book can hopefully shortcut the learning curve that sliced me to shreds.This book is the story of my wife's cancer and our journey through the medical system that eventually led us to one of the most cutting edge, lifesaving surgeries on earth.You can buy the book on our blog or online at the usual online bookstores. The price of the e-book is $1.99. It's as low as they'd let be price it. This book was not written to make money.Our blog is http://besidesthecancer.org.

3 thoughts on “Days of Struggle

  1. Avatar of PegiPegi

    Bob, once again a truly moving blog. I love how you love your wife, and that you break caregiving down so beautifully. That she “will live with comfort and dignity” as long as you are there. That is one of the most important things I strive for with my husband. On a lighter note, I love the picture of your dog, he looks so full of thought and compassion. God Bless you and your wife, you are in my prayers.

    Reply
  2. Don

    Thanks Bob,
    If you have gotten respect from your cat that is very impressive. Ours continues to treat me with indifference although I feed him twice a day and change his litter box.
    It’s nice to know there are other guys dealing with the same situation as me – although with my wife it’s a gradual worsening movement disorder not cancer.
    I hope and pray the surgeries do the trick.
    Best Regards thanks for the article.

    Reply
  3. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Simply beautiful. I just love this sentence: “The truth is our future is unknown yet decided, our spirit is unbent, unwilling, unchanged from the love we shared from day one, or day one thousand, or day one hundred thousand.”

    Wishing you days of much meaning.

    Reply

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