Resistance vs. Denial

no-68481_640Last week on the 22nd of January was the fourth anniversary of Nicole’s diagnosis. I wrote a blog which I forgot to copy and paste over here so if you want to read it you can go to my blog.

It was a difficult day as our life changed so much that day four years ago. I would venture a guess that it was much harder for Nicole as she is the one that has the disease but I feel like I have it also.

I have been thinking about what is the difference between resistance and denial? According to dictionary.com, one of the definitions of “resist” is to withstand, strive against, oppose; act in opposition. The definition of “denial” is an assertion that something said, believed, alleged etc. is false. Denise and I both believe that I resist a lot of things in my life because of Nicole’s diagnosis and prognosis. I resist decluttering my house because for some reason I equate this with Nicole’s well being. If I get my house decluttered then Nicole will do worse. I know that sounds dumb. I think a lot of my procrastination with decluttering, not doing what I know I am suppose to do etc. probably stems from my resistance. I know that I procrastinate on stuff pertaining to Nicole because I don’t want to do it because I don’t want to have to do this. I know that because of my resistance I waste a lot of things from time to money etc.

On the other hand, I think that Nicole is in denial in a lot of ways. I know that she knows that she is ill and she knows what the prognosis is but she didn’t mention the day on the 22nd. I know she didn’t forget and I said something about it and she had the smile she gets on her face when she doesn’t want to admit something or when I am right. She doesn’t like to talk about her illness. She doesn’t like to interact in the PH community. She doesn’t acknowledge anything it seems sometimes.

Neither one of these are good things but I really wish Nicole would be more involved and talk about the disease more. I know she is so very scared at her uncertain future but so am I.

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Avatar of Jane

About Jane

My name is Jane and I care for my 19 year old daughter, Nicole, who has several congenital heart defects, Eisenmenger's syndrome and pulmonary hypertension which is a rare, life-threatening, incurable and progressive lung disease that causes blood pressure within the pulmonary arteries to become higher than normal. She also has several other health issues that are not as severe. I have two blogs one is "A Day in the Life" which chronicles Nicole's diagnosis and our everyday life. My other blog is "Let's Get Organized" which chronicles my struggle to get the clutter out of my house and get organized.

2 thoughts on “Resistance vs. Denial

  1. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi Jane–My apologies that I’m slow to comment. I’ve been thinking about your post because I think you’ve shared some great insights. Resistance and denial are like sisters born of the same parent–NO. We don’t want what we have and so we either resist or deny.

    I wonder: If Nicole observed that you came to terms with your resistance, I wonder what would happen to her denial?

    Reply
  2. Avatar of JaneJane Post author

    Denise:

    No reason to apologize but thank you for commenting. I am still trying to figure out how to come to terms with resisting. Logically, I know that I can’t do anything to change the situation and I must come to terms with it but that doesn’t mean I want to do it. If that makes sense.

    Hugs:o)
    Jane

    I think it would be awesome if I could show this to Nicole.

    Reply

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