I Don’t Know How to Handle the Loss of My Mom

droplets-195841_640It’s been a little over two months since my mom passed away and the grief has been so overwhelming.  I miss my mom so much and I took care of her for so many years that now there’s nothing but anger, depression, hardly any phone calls.

I pick myself up every day and go to work and do what I need to do but it’s becoming a struggle sometimes to get out of bed.

I just don’t know how to handle this.

I find myself fine one minute and then crying out of nowhere.

I hate having these feelings.

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7 thoughts on “I Don’t Know How to Handle the Loss of My Mom

  1. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi Meryl–I am so sorry. Grieving is just tough and so is the loss of your caregiving role. You’re adjusting to both significant changes and heartbreaking emptiness. It’s understandable that you would be at a loss as to how to deal with the loss. The finality of the end can really take your breath away.

    Please come join us on AfterGiving.com. The site is much smaller but you can blog (like you do here) and share with others who understand the struggle.

    Thinking of you Meryl and wishing you much gentleness tonight.

    Reply
  2. Avatar of CathyCathy

    Meryl,
    I am so glad that you wrote. I can so relate. It has been five years since my mother died, but for the first few months, your post could describe me perfectly. In fact there is still some of those feelings left. When the 49ers made it to the super bowl last year – everyone wss cheering and I wss in a corner crying because my mother (and my father, too) weren’t there to celebrate it.

    I want to say it truly does get easier for day to day life….but that will probably not resonate very much with you now. I have tried to treasure and appreciate the time I had with my mother as her caregiver as a gift.

    Is there someone at work that you feel comfortable sharing with? I found two people who were just lovely. Never got tired of my tears, my memories, and even my laughter about my mother.

    Denise’s suggestion of Aftergiving.com sounds wonderful. Although, I am caring for my aunt now, I think I need to check it out.

    Again, thanks for sharing,
    Cathy

    Reply
  3. Avatar of CasandraCasandra

    Meryl,

    I am sending you many hugs and prayers. Losing a parent is devastating and losing one that you have been caring for seems to be all the more worse. In March, it will be two years since I’ve lost my father. I was his sole caregiver at the time and the hardest part for me is being there for so many of his hospitalizations and problems, I was not there when he passed on. I kicked myself every day for a while believing that I should have or could have done something different to change the outcome. And I am not over it because I went from one tragic loss to another stressful caregiving situation taking care of my husband.

    In time, like with all things, it will get a little easier every day to get out of bed and do those things you need to and those things you love.

    I am incredibly sorry for your loss and hope you find the support you need to help you through this time.

    Sincerely,
    Casandra

    Reply
  4. Meryl

    I just feel very angry more than anything else right now. My brother left me alone to deal with all of this while my mom was back and forth to the hospital and I know I shouldn’t expect him now to do anything but he left me alone when she died and didn’t come to the hospital.

    I was by myself and had to watch the doctors try and revive her and then had to give them the consent to just let her go peacefully since they tried for so long and she had suffered for so many years. That was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life. I haven’t spoke to my brother since December 30th nor do I want to at this point. He has made it clear during all that time that he would come when he felt like it and it made no difference that I needed him. More importantly my mother needed him. She always stuck up for him during that time because it was her son but it hurt her.

    The loss of my mom has been really painful and I feel that no one understands me and that I should move on as if it never happened. Hardly anyone calls me to see if I am ok. I met someone really wonderful who has been by my side every step of the way but it’s still a painful process.

    Normally I am very outgoing and love life but this has definitely changed the way I look at things.

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  5. Avatar of TrishTrish

    Meryl, I’m sorry you’re going through this very difficult time. I’m very sorry you had to make those final decisions on your own but please know you were a caring, loving daughter and caregiver and were strong enough to make those tough decisions. Denise has a great idea about visiting and blogging at aftergiving.com. It might also help to talk to a grief counselor. Your doctor might have a referral to one or you might be able to get a referral through your work if they have an Employee Assistance Program. This is a benefit provided by many employers and there is a phone number or website to contact and everything is kept confidential (even the fact that you called.)

    Thinking of you. Please keep us posted on how you’re doing.

    Reply
  6. Avatar of JoJo

    Dear Meryl, I was touched by your post and am so sorry for your loss. Its been a long time since I’ve been on Caregiving.com but in addition to caregiving my journey includes multiple losses of close family members. As Cathy mentioned, your post perfectly describes what many of us have gone through, the anger, depression, feelings of abandonment. It is common to say that time heals, and to an extent that is true. Time gives you opportunity to grieve and ultimately to get stronger. With time, thoughts which conjure raw pain right now become sources of warm memories.

    Keep posting here or take up Denise’ offer of writing on Aftergiving.com. Vent as much as you need and want. It is amazingly cathartic. Expect that your love of life will return one day.

    Reply
  7. Avatar of PegiPegi

    Meryl, I too am very touched by your post. I just lost my on dear Mother in April. After Daddy passed many years ago she told me you never get over the loss you just get used to it. Two months is not all that long. Be gentle with yourself, you’ll never “move on” it will just be different. Honor her with the love of life that she in part instilled in you. My heart and prayers go out to you.

    Reply

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