What’s Your Worry? Mine? That I’ll Be Mean

worriedWe try to find the silver lining, to focus on the positive, to keep a perspective that keeps us going.

I do my best but honestly, when I think about a future of caring for my parents, I worry that I will be mean. That I’ll blow my top over something silly. That I’ll say something that I’ll regret. I worry that I will be short on patience and compassion and full of snarkiness and judgment.

And, then they’ll die and I’ll be left with the memories of being unkind.


I wonder: What do you worry about when it comes to how you are during your caregiving experience? Please tell us in our comments section, below.

Avatar of Denise

About Denise Brown

I began working with family caregivers in 1990 and launched CareGiving.com in 1996 to help and support them. Through my blog, I share words of comfort and offer coping strategies and tips. I also write opinion pieces about recent research, community programs and media coverage of caregiving issues. I've written several caregiving books, including "The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey," "Take Comfort, Reflections of Hope for Caregivers" and "After Caregiving Ends, A Guide to Beginning Again." You can purchase my books and schedule a coaching call with me in our store.

9 thoughts on “What’s Your Worry? Mine? That I’ll Be Mean

  1. Avatar of Gail KrollGail Kroll

    this is no worry of mine. I’ve already done it. Been mean with my Mom and short and quick to make judgment and NOT patient enough. So? I guess it isn’t a worry anymore. I know I have done it!

    • Avatar of PearLadyPearLady

      It’s sort of relief that you say such, Gail. I feared I was the only one. It’s so tit for tat some days, I’m afraid it’ll be the last for all. I’ve tried to get IRL help to avoid some of the moments, nothing but pie crust promises. Anyway, glad to see you, Nobody, too. (Emily Dickinson poem, in case the reference is lost on anyone)

      • Gail Kroll

        Since Mom has been out of touch with it for about a week or so it is easier to be kind. But, Peal Lady? Been there and done that. Verbally abuse. Not much such short and impatient. And feel awful afterwards!!!! Love you, Gail

  2. Avatar of bonabonabonabona

    I was my mother’s co-caregiver when she was alive, before that my father’s, and now I am main caregiver for my son, 33, he has Pulmonary Hypertension. One of my worries was and is now, that I would forget something important that they needed, or an appointment I was supposed to take them to.

    Another one of my worries is when I am over tired coming home from work I can be snippy. I try to double check myself but it happens sometimes, and what if that is the last time I ever talk to them.

    • Gail Kroll

      Yeah, I know what you mean. I have been so exhausted though lately that those obsessive thoughts about “this may be the last time.” Those have just been stopped. I just cannot think straight been so tired. I hate it but it is true.

      • Cass Roty

        I worry about how I can continue to do this. I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and this has sent me into both mental and physical helplessness. There are days I can barely get outta bed never mind care for my husband. He has been chronically ill for 8 yrs, in and out of hospitals, surgeries, procedures and mostly bedridden. I’m trying to find a grp but they all seem to be for Alzheimers.

        • Gloria

          My dear Cass,
          Just take one day at a time..If you have to break the day down to ” if i can make it to lunch time, i’m good” then ” if i can make it to 3:00, i’m good”..Realize you are just 1 person and you can only do what you can do..I will pass to you what my mom use to tell me: God will never give you more than you can handle…..Peace & Blessings to you Cass

  3. Avatar of PegiPegi

    I, too, worry about not enough patience. The meds worry me, I have to have quiet and calm when doing the weekly packets; just getting more and more complex. Also worry when transferring him, with the use of gait belt that he may slip or fall. My singular biggest worry is that I maintain my health so I can continue to care for him. He will never be able to be totally independent again.


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