Everlasting Love: TLO Is at Rest and at Peace

Love is the beauty of the soul. ~ Saint Augustine

Bernard Richard Schiffer: January 24, 1931 ~ March 9, 2014

Sophia Looking Gay

LilyThe house is quiet, so different, so empty. The beautiful aroma of the stargazer lilies fills the house, as one by one, they bloom in their mystical way. Just as the lilies transition from a small bud to a beautiful flower, TLO’s transition into eternal life was just as mystical and just as beautiful. Holding him in my arms as he took his last breath on Sunday, March 9th. at 1:20 p.m. was surely a  paradoxical honor. However we would not have had it any other way.

Our caregiving journey ended on Sunday, March 9, yet this is not the end ofSchiffer blend our love. We just get the chance to know and love each other in a different way. Words can’t describe how I feel at this moment but I take comfort in knowing that he is pain-free and he left this world with a beautiful smile on his face. When I placed his head back down on the pillow after his last breath, I knew that he was in a better place–no stress, no strife, no agony, only peace. I’m sure my faith will grant me those same gifts in the months ahead.

We have been on this caregiving journey for over two years now, yet it seems like yesterday when I wrote my first post on my personal blog, ‘The Purple Jacket.” Writing proved to be therapeutic for both of us. However, it is strange to realize that the only two posts that we will never get to share with each other is this post and the post from last week, Approaching The Final Destination. I do take comfort in knowing that TLO enjoyed reading about our caregiving journey as much as I enjoyed writing about it.

The comfort and love I have felt from family and friends over the past week has been heartfelt. May it continue.While on this caregiving journey, so many people have touched our lives along they way. I am so grateful for all your words of encouragement. Denise and her vast network of family caregivers who have been our extended family during our journey are friends for life. Even in the midst of the intensity of daily caregiving, Denise and our extended family have been there at a moment’s notice to extend comfort.

Words can’t describe how wonderful TLO’s primary care physician, Dr. Milica Starcevic of Broward Health, has been to us during our time in her care. Dr. Starcevic’s genuine care and concern for us will always have a special place in my heart. It goes without saying how wonderful the entire staff at Gold Coast Hospice treated us as well. The word that comes directly to mind when thinking about the staff at Gold Coast Hospice is “authentic.” There was not one staff member who walked into our room who was not authentic in their care for both of us. Like ministry, working in hospice is a special calling; not everyone can do it but the staff that we met, from the administrator down, was just splendid. We never had a worry or concern; the entire hospice staff honored us and our relationship.

For me, life does move on just in a different way.  As much as the two of us talked about “this day,” one can never prepare for an experience like this. He is forever in my heart, sealed with that lasting smile he left for20120407-001829.jpg me when he made his transition. One thing that TLO asked (well, demanded) is that I start to take better care of myself. That is my immediate intention, to create some “healing ties” so that I can become stronger mentally and to get physically fit because on Monday, March 10th, I haven’t only started a new chapter in my life, I started a new caregiving journey as well. That new journey is to be a caregiver for myself.

Many family caregivers have this trait where we put our needs second to the needs of our caree. It is easy to say we are going to take better care of ourselves but harder to do when you’re in the midst of caregiving. My advocacy in the days, months and years ahead will focus on the importance of family caregivers taking better care of themselves because it is important not only for the family caregiver but important for the caree as well. If I can learn to be half the caregiver to myself as I was to TLO, I think I’ll be in pretty good shape. Following this path allows me to be with him while honoring his wishes for me to take better care of myself. It’s a win/win. don’t you think?

As I write this final caregiving post, I do not have any fancy words to share or meaningful slogans to portray, I just want to tell you about a story of love.  Two people connecting from different sides of the religious aisle, making a go at life, while forming a meaningful relationship that even to this day is difficult to describe.

TLO might have been slight in stature, but he stood tall in life. With few regrets and quite a bit of joy, TLO lived his life his way. I have learned so much about being strong from him. He was and still is my best friend, pal and partner. My caregiving cape wanted to fix everything inside of his body. Eleven years just whisked by during that one week in hospice. I asked that final day, “Lord, can’t I have just one more hour, one more minute to know him, to love him?”

As I gently laid his head back on the pillow after he made his transition, I was comforted to see a smile on his face. I knew he was pain-TLOCJMfree and I knew that he left this world in love. And, yes, he did beat cancer!

In the weeks ahead, I will announce on The Purple Jacket the special events to celebrate the life of Bernard Richard Schiffer. In addition, two reporters from the Sun-Sentinel have documented our story over the past seven months. They have video and pictures of the two of us; we look forward to sharing that article with you when published is just a few short weeks. I will be writing again in the months ahead but the space on The Purple Jacket is reserved for my best friend, pal and life partner, Bernard Richard Schiffer. For without him, there would be no ‘Purple Jacket!’

For now,  I must take a breath and get some rest.

You seeWe Might Have Had Cancer: But Cancer NEVER had us. The thing we have is love and, come to think about it, love is the most important gift of all!

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8 thoughts on “Everlasting Love: TLO Is at Rest and at Peace

  1. Avatar of LisaLisa

    Oh what a beautiful tribute! You’re right, as caregivers we tend to take better care of others than we do ourselves. I’ve had to switch that around a bit for myself (even when it seems selfish to me) this year. I’ve been caring for my Father for 5 years now and it’s a long road. A road I chose, but I also don’t know how long it will last either. Thank you for sharing your blog.

  2. Heather

    I’m thinking of you today, I came looking for you to see if I could find out how you were.

    I don’t know what happens next, but please know that I am thinking warm thoughts for you and hopeful that we have the chance to speak again.

    Love, Heather

  3. Avatar of PegiPegi

    You and TLO have been in my heart and prayers, Chris. I can’t imagine a better tribute than to take the time to care for yourself now. Your story, you and TLO is so beautiful; reading how you dealt with it all the past couple years. The both of you are such an inspiration. May the Lord continue to grant you comfort and peace. You remain in my prayers.

  4. Avatar of EllysGdaughterEllysGdaughter

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. We know how hard you have worked to keep TLO comfy and safe – you succeeded! Keep us updated as you go on from here into your next adventure living life to the Fullest!

  5. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi Chris–I just love the photos of TLO you selected for this post. I feel so grateful that I knew TLO–I don’t think I’ll ever load a dishwasher again without remembering him. :)

    I can only imagine how much you must miss him. I imagine missing him sometimes takes your breath away. I also know that the memories of the love you share helps you take the next breath.

    I’m thinking of you and wishing you much peace and comfort.

  6. Avatar of MichaelMichael

    What a moving tribute to your partner. I wish I would have had the opportunity to get to know you both.

    Wishing you all the peace and comfort in the world,

  7. Avatar of AlbertoAlberto

    What can I say to let you know I feel for you at this moment. You gave him your love and he gave you his, that should be enough, but I bet you would rather have him next to you and just sit there looking at him. Sometimes when two people just love each other, words don’t seem to be necessary. That silence just speak volumes. I am sorry you were left alone to face the ever changing world, but somewhere in Alabama you have a kindred spirit, and I will be thinking of you, wishing you just the best.


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