A Day on the Farm

(Editor’s Note: We welcome a new blogger today, Robin, who cares for her mom. You can connect with her on her profile page:  @robincjsmom. Robin will write periodic updates and short stories about how she sees life on the Farm.)

background-316552_640I chose to name our new home The Farm, well, truly and honestly, because we have so many animals. It then became so much more. and acronym for Farm was born.

The Farm

  • Family
  • Animals
  • Relationships
  • More

I am a 25-year-old married mother of a toddling little boy. I am currently a full-time caregiver for my mother who suffers from dementia, TBI (traumatic brain injury), chronic pain and paranoia. My husband was teaching overseas when we decided to come home for a visit. On our visit home my mom was hospitalized. We  realized then how much our lives were going to change. During a family meeting, we decided as a family to become my mom’s full-time caregivers and follow her wishes of not going to an assisted living facility. As we looked into places to live and what would be the best options, one of them was to start a farm and have my mom come live with us. Here I sit on the Farm.

My mom’s name is Joyce and she truly is one of the sweetest people I have ever meet. I am getting to know my mom each and every day. You see I haven’t always not know my “mom” or Joyce. I spent most of my life in foster care and in and out of group homes trying to chase down what county she happened to be living in then.

When I was 16, yes, 16 years old, I married out of the system and began a search for my real mother. I found my mom in a hotel room utterly confused about her surrounding and date and time. She convinced me she liked living like this. Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to years and we stayed in close contact.

A few years  ago I remarried to the man of my dreams and my relationship with my mom really started blooming. We began speaking almost daily. My husband landed a dream job overseas. My mom was getting care through IHSS and life seemed so simple.

Things started to get a little rough for my mom about a year ago when my oldest sister suddenly passed away. My mother dropped into a deep depression and has been trying to cope ever since. June of 2013 came and went and my mom had stopped calling again. I was a nervous wreck, but I am half-way around the world. What do I do now? So to be very honest I called APS. They found my mom living off of hot sauce and cooking oil.

Devastation, guilt, and anger filled me. How could I of let this happen? I knew it was too much for her?!

As APS and IHSS and county workers stepped in to help while there was no family in the U.S., I had no clue what to do. My husband and I had no way of knowing how bad things really were back in the U.S. We decided to take a trip home this January would get some more answers. At 25 years old I was once again faced with finding my mother.

I found my mom at her house with her IHSS caregiver that was an angel sent from above. THANK YOU CAROL! I spoke very briefly  with Carol and told her to give me a ring if she ever needed me. Well lo and behold, two days later my mom had forgotten and took her night medication twice. Carol called and explained it was either time she went to a home or for us to consider talking with my mom about her joining our family.

So what did I do? CRY and cry some more. Eventually I got it together, looked up some houses in the local area and signed a lease. Not any lease but a lease on a seven-acre farm.

So this is really about a daughter wanting to get to know her mom a little bit more, understanding myself and  the relationships that are important in life and all the fun animals that come along with the farm.

Related

7 thoughts on “A Day on the Farm

  1. Avatar of MariaMaria

    Robin,
    Go Bless you! Welcome to caregivining.com. You will find a very supportive community to help you through this journey called caregiving!
    Maria

    Reply
  2. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi Robin–I’m soooo glad you’ve started to blog. You’ve got a great story to tell.

    We’d love to see photos of the farm so feel free to include in future posts. (I can help you add photos if you need any help.)

    I’m fascinated by stories of forgiveness and forgiveness is a big part of your story. I’d love to know more about you worked through any anger or resentment you had toward your mom. Perhaps content for your future posts.

    Do you have any help caring for your mom?

    Reply
  3. Avatar of ThedogmamaThedogmama

    Hi Robin,
    Welcome to our community. It is not a farm, but it is as nurturing as a farm. A farm for caregivers. I can’t wait to hear more about your new adventure. You must be an amazing person to work so hard to find, and keep, this new relationship with your mom. Know that everyone here is full of understanding and good ideas when you need them.

    Reply
    • Avatar of RobinRobin Post author

      Thank you and if you have any ideas and or suggestions please send them my way! I am far from amazing just a girl who has forever longed to know my mom. She really is the reason I care so much for her. She is amazing.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>