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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Simplify Simplify communication to avoid stress, guilt
By Denise M. Brown A friend of mine is going through a really difficult time with her mother. My friend lives in Chicago; her mother, alone in Portland. Her mother is an alcoholic and in the past month, has been hospitalized three times. She refuses treatment, so returns home only to drink too much, eat too little, and fall. My friend struggles with how to help someone who won't help herself. But she also struggles with how to communicate with her mother. Her mother has been angry with some of the decisions my friend and her siblings have made. So, my friend frantically asks: What do I say to her? What do I tell her? My advice: Never explain and never complain. It's a simple phrase that can guide you through troubling and complex situations in your life. I suggested to my friend: Your mother will never approve of the decisions you make for her. She's not well, she's not going to stop drinking. When she attacks you for what you've done, simply say: I thought we were doing what was best for you, Mom. I'm sorry I've upset you. In confrontations (and, when you provide care, you may feel confronted by everyone: the health care system, siblings, care recipients, other family members), we tend to become nervous, defensive and talk too much. Unfortunately, too many words during a confrontation just make the situation worse. When you make decisions that, in your heart, you felt were the best ones, you never have to explain. Simply say: "I thought I was doing what was best. My goal is to do what's best." It's hard to argue with that. “No” as an agent to prioritize and to reassess Add easy techniques to hands-on care Simplify communication to avoid stress, guilt When you’re nice, you don’t have to apologize A family caregiver's thoughts: Streamlining to make life more comfortable |
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