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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Taking The Edge Off Socializing Why It Feels So Awkward... We asked Marilyn, who cares for her mom, to share her thoughts on her social skills and social interactions: Caregiving: How do you polish social skills? Marilyn: It doesn't seem to matter with whom I plan to socialize, I still get anxious and self-conscience. Up until the minute that I leave, I worry that I won't be entertaining or engaging enough in the conversation. However, I can say that "nine times out of ten", once I return home, I'm so very glad that I went! As far as social situations that aren't among close friends, I remain quiet and listen. We all know that a lot of people love to talk about themselves; sometimes just listening and smiling does the trick to relieve the tension. Typically, the reason I would attend a social meeting is because we are all there sharing a common interest, whether it be church, a support group, a cause etc.
Caregiving: How do you keep your social skills polished? Marilyn: It's tough, especially when you simply don't have the time, money or energy to socialize. That's why I utilize e-mail and the telephone to interact with friends and acquaintances so frequently. Most of them are busy too, so it's a good way to keep in touch without the added anxiety of a face-to-face meeting, especially if you are simply not feeling up to it.
Caregiving: How often do you socialize? Marilyn: In person? Once or twice per month, maybe....
Caregiving: With whom/where do you socialize? Marilyn: A couple of times a year with my aunt. Now and then, I get together with my friend, Julie, for a couple of hours. (She doesn't have a car so I take her on errands.) So...basically, not too many people on a regular basis. I don't socialize in my home because getting away from my situation at home is a respite for me! One thing that really bugs me about socializing is when the topic of conversation turns to me and questions about my Mom. I DO appreciate it when friends ask about her, but when it goes on and on and on...it drives me crazy! I want to say, "Hey folks! I'm here to get away from all that for awhile, okay?" Give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, of course, I don't say that!
Caregiving: What makes it a successful social situation for you? Marilyn: My answer would be when it is not too long. A two- or three-hour outing is all I need at this point. When you are a caregiver, you can't be away for too long without hiring someone to stay with your loved one. For instance, I'm invited several times during the summer to go to the lake (which I LOVE), but it would require me to be away for at least eight hours. I honestly believe that people don't understand the preparation that goes in to just taking a simple day-trip. You have to hire an expensive aid, you worry that she will attend to your loved one properly as you are trying to "train" her before you leave, and etc, etc. Thus, for eight hours, I've already spent $112 on the aid BEFORE I even walk out the door!!! (So, if you aren't worth $112 to me, I don't want to see you! I'm only kidding....!) One other note, before I go anywhere, I have to get Mom "squared away." This means that wherever I'm going, I have to allot time, two hours, just to get her settled and then I have to get myself ready (another hour)...
Caregiving: Any embarrassing social snafus you’d like to share? Marilyn: With my close friends, I would say no embarrassing moments. In a professional situation during my caregiving years, I would say that it MOST embarrasses me to be standing by myself because everyone else is married. That makes me feel very awkward. I handle it by walking up to people and introducing myself to their spouse and simply asking them about children, job, etc. After the obligatory conversations, I tell the host "thanks" and then I depart. Lastly, I would like to express that I most enjoy getting together with close friends and relatives. Those are the memories that I cherish. Quick Tips to Getting Out of the House Start Online, Then Hit The Sunshine |
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