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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Out of the House Getting Out and Having Fun When Merlyn Sanchez began helping her mom (diagnosed with cancer), her dad (whose age has caused frailty) and her sister (diagnosed with cancer), she remembered her sister-in-law’s caregiving experience. Caring for her mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer’s disease, became her sister-in-law’s sole focus, as she worked to figure out the disease and how best to help her mother. Her sister-in-law took early retirement to care for her mother, which naturally narrowed her social circle. After a year of caregiving, her sister-in-law was able to find an adult day center, and a home care worker who could care for her mother-in-law on the weekends so she could spend time with her husband. Finding the time solved one problem; filling the time was another problem. Ultimately, after considering a part-time job (the hours didn’t jive with the adult day hours), her sister-in-law found comfort in social situations at church. That boosted her confidence to look into taking pottery classes in the morning while her mother attended day care. At pottery classes, she met others who shared her passion for pottery. And, that led to more social outings; she often meets classmates for coffee or lunch. “When my sister-in-law first began caring for my mother-in-law, everything understandably revolved around her mother’s schedule,” Merlyn says. “It’s all we talked about. But, I noticed a change once she was able to get out of the house. Her world opened up again.” Merlyn, a professional coach based in Miami, Fla., who helps clients answer the question "What's Your Ideal Life?"™ (www.yourideallife.com) understands how frightening social situations can be after a life consumed by caregiving. She offers these suggestions: 1. Work on making connections by listening: “Caregivers are often great listeners, they are naturally empathetic so listening comes naturally to them,” she says. Listening and being genuinely interested in someone else also helps take the focus off your problems, which you may worry about sharing with (and then scaring) new acquaintances. Listening and asking questions of others, rather than initially talking about your own situation, can make those initial connections easier. 2. In addition, focusing on listening may help prevent the flood gates: When you’ve been cooped up for so long and you meet a kind person, the tendency may be to share everything, which may be too much for a new acquaintance. You may feel better sharing your story with acquaintance in pieces. You can save the juicy bits for your support system. 3. Extending a hand to make a connection involves risk: You may be exposing yourself to rejection. Learning to deal with rejection can be daunting: It’s hard not to take rejection personally. “When meeting a lot of people on a superficial basis and when you first start making connections, it’s important to say: It isn’t personal, I’m looking for someone who is making a connection with me,” Merlyn says. “It won’t always be the right person, but know that there is someone else out there with whom you’ll make the right connection. Learn from each interaction so you’ll be ready for the right one.” Finally, Merlyn shares what she tells herself about the caregiving situation and her caregiving role: “I’m doing the best I can. It’s not my fault they got sick. I can only do the best I can. I don’t have to be sole provider. I can ask for help. I can find services.” And, I can find and will create great social connections and interactions. Quick Tips to Getting Out of the House Start Online, Then Hit The Sunshine |
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