|
Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
|
Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Giving meaning to the day By Denise M. Brown A few years ago, a friend of mine--and a family caregiver--expressed her concern about not relating to her 92-year-old mother the way she used to. "My husband keeps telling me to sit and talk with my mother," my friend said. "But, I just don't know what to talk to her about. It's not the same anymore--we just can't talk about things we used to." The changes in the relationship between an aging relative and other family members can be upsetting. My friend, for instance, had developed a pattern with her mother that had defined their relationship. Her mother has lived with my friend and her husband for more than 40 years. They counted on each other for support, friendship--and gossip. Now, as a result of several mini-strokes, her mother was unable to communicate with her about the every day occurrences they used to discuss. Our ability to relate to our care recipients sometimes is our reward as a family caregiver. If we can communicate with our care recipients, we can understand and meet their needs, feel their appreciation, and appreciate them. Without our ability to communicate, we might feel like the care recipient is a stranger, an unknown person with whom we share a fading past. That's why activities can be so important for caregivers and care recipients: Activities can replace our communication system, bridging us to our care recipients and helping us to create a new, albeit different, relationship. I remember what it was like to communicate with residents of the Alzheimer's special care unit in the nursing home I worked. If I were to try to engage one of the residents in a discussion, more likely than not, the resident would become frustrated, agitated. But, if I sang a song with the resident, or helped the resident set the tables, the resident and I enjoyed being together--sharing the moment. I once worked with a severely depressed woman also diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. The disease and her depression had created a wall between the woman and her family. Her husband, unable to accept the disease process, expected his wife to discuss family problems, plan meals and attend family gatherings much as they had for the past 40 years. Unfortunately, that type of relationship was too much for the woman, who sank deeper and deeper into a depression. She couldn't be what her husband wanted her to be. I was able to bring her out of her depression by simplifying our relationship: we folded laundry together, washed dishes, watched television. Because of the simplicity of the tasks, she felt confident being with me; I never expected her to be someone she couldn't be. Integrating activities into your day-to-day relationship with your care recipient can be a powerful tool for you. Finding activities that boost your care recipient's confidence can go a long way to forging a new relationship--one which draws you closer. |
Ask
An Expert |
|
|
|
|
|
© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2003 |
