Your Care

Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning

Caregiving
Special Focus

Solutions

To Your Caregiving Situations

Throughout Your Caregiving Years

Your Caregiving Battles

Other Family Members

They may live five minutes away, but for as good as they are, it might as well be five hours. You thought you raised them right, but now your children say they are “too busy” to stop by and see your spouse. Or, you thought you knew them, your siblings. You thought you could count on them to help take care of your folks. Now, it seems you can only count on them to keep track of the cash going out for the much-needed help.

   Battling your family members for help might just be the one battle you want to concede. After all, you’ve done you could to get them involved in caregiving. You’ve:

Asked for specific requests, such as help on the first Tuesday evening of every month so you can attend your support group.

Delegated responsibilities that they feel comfortable handling, like paying bills, making phone calls, pitching in with a few bucks to pay for respite care.

Requested their attendance at regular family meetings.

Sent regular updates, through regular mail and/or e-mail, so they understand your care recipient’s condition and your caregiving responsibilities. (Always document any updates you send.)

Invited their suggestions, insights, recommendations on your regular updates.

They commit, but cancel at the last minute. Or, they have one excuse after another. Your family members have shown that they can’t be counted on—so believe it.

   Even though your family members won’t help, still look for help, from your community, from your church, from your neighbors. Battling family members who just can’t—or won’t--help is a waste of energy.

   If you find that you battle family members over use of a care recipient’s funds, then enlist the help of professionals such as lawyers, financial planners, and social workers. Organizations such as Easter Seals, the Area Agency on Aging, the Alzheimer’s Association often have social workers who can mediate family disagreements.

   And, you may find that family members only want to be involved long enough to “should” on you; they can’t bother to help you take your mother to the doctor, but they can bother to tell your mother doesn’t look good and that you need to do more for her. Don’t stand for a “should-fest” and don’t fall into the trap of feeling guilty that you should do more. You’re doing your best, each and every day. Every day that you provide care you are doing your best. And, that’s always good enough.

Activities Index of Articles
Determining the Best Care at End of Life

How Do You Say What They Don’t Want To Hear?

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I'm Sooo Mad, I Could....

Battling Your Loneliness

Will The Guilt Let You Live A Good Life?

Sharing the Care with Siblings

Tips to Temper Your Flame

Join Our Support Group

Ask Denise

Ask An Expert

The Caregiving Years:
1. I may help a relative soon.
2. I'm starting to help.
3. I am helping.
4. I am still helping!
5. My role is changing.
6. My caregiving has ended.

Three Issues of Caregiving: Free!

Your Opinion