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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Your Caregiving Battles: The Battle for Words How Do You Say What They Don’t Want To Hear? You’re going on vacation—without your care recipient. How do you tell her? You’ve been caring for your husband for 15 years, but now your health is not so great. The doctor says: If you don’t take better care of yourself, you won’t be around to see your grandkids graduate from high school. With your daughter’s urging, you find a nursing home for your husband. How do you convince him that you still love him, even though you can’t take care of him at home? The battle within yourself to find the right words, the words that comfort rather than inflict greater pain, can be overwhelming. Mantras, or phrases and sentences that you use regularly during difficult discussions, can help. For instance, when you have to break the news about an upcoming vacation without your care recipient (the first one ever!), you might try a mantra similar to this one: “I’m going to New York City with Jim. We’ll leave on Friday and be back on Tuesday. I’ll miss you while I’m gone and I’ll call every day at 5 p.m. Sue will stop by to make sure you’re okay every day at 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. Thank you for being so understanding. I love you. I’ll see you on Tuesday.” Mantras can help you take the heated argument out of a discussion. How can your care recipient really argue with the mantra used above? And, your mantra includes facts, your commitments, your thankfulness and your feelings. If you have to break heart-wrenching news, like nursing home placement, your mantra may be: “I wish I could keep you home longer. I know that we both want you to be here at home. The doctor believes you’ll receive the care you need at the nursing home. I’ll visit every day that I can. We’ll have a phone in your room so we can talk a few times a day. I know how hard this is. Let’s work together to get through this.” And, as you break bad news, be sure to allow for their feedback, which will include angry words, lots of tears and tremendous sadness. It’s difficult to not take their reaction as a personal attack on you. They’ll be afraid of the change, worried about losing you, anxious about someone else stepping in to provide care. Allow them to vent. And, do your best to remember that their anger is about their disease and illness. You came to a decision that is best. Determining the Best Care at End of Life How Do You Say What They Don’t Want To Hear?
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions |
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