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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Hidden Blessings What are your hidden blessings? We asked family caregivers to share their hidden blessings. Here’s what they said: I understand my husband more because I am pretending to live in the past with him--because he is living in the past. We talk by phone every night--me at home, he in the nursing home. The lady who looks in on him in the evening dials my number for him. I ask him what he did today and he relates to the work he was doing so many years ago. No, I do not try to get him straightened out or up-to-date. We just talk as though it were so. Sometimes I do not understand what he is saying but I pretend I do. The other day I went to see him and he told me there were some cats in his room. So I ask how many and he said two or three. So I said: "The very idea! Do you think little David let them in?" He said, "I don't know." So I reached in the cabinet and brought out the boy doll that we named David. We pretend he is a great-grandson and that my husband is baby-sitting him. Then I said to little David, "Did you let the cats in the house?" Of course little David nodded his head. And I said to my husband, "You spank him first." He lifted his sore arm and hand that was in a splint and ever so gently spanked at little David. I said, "David, now you get those cats out of here right now." That satisfied my husband. By the way, we don't have a grandson named "David"--but we do have seven great-grandsons and the oldest one is having a baby next Spring. Three of the great-grandsons have their granddad's name, "Wyatt", as their middle name. I guess that I have experienced a hidden blessing from being a caregiver. When Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, I immediately contacted the Alzheimer's Association and became part of their mailing group. I read each and every issue of their newsletters, searching for all the information I could gather on this horrid disease. In the Spring 1999 issue, I was met with a most unpleasant surprise. I read of the connection between Alzheimer's and Down Syndrome. This was of great importance to me, for I have a brother that is a year older than myself with Down's. I began searching the Internet for information, but quickly found that this task was nearly impossible, for I was only able to find bits and pieces of info at a time, or if I actually found an article, it was only understandable if you possessed a Ph.D. Out of shear desperation, I began working on a website, dedicated to caregivers that are caring for individuals with Down's Dementia. I was in uncharted waters; to the best of my knowledge, there is no other site dedicated solely to this topic. In just a little short of four months since it was placed online for the first time, this site has had nearly 1,500 visits from all around the world. It's kind of bittersweet. I am proud that so many people have found my site useful to them, but it also saddens me to know that so many people are in need of the information. If it had not been for my Mom's illness, I would never have been subscribed to that newsletter, and subsequently would never had known about the connection for years to come. I now feel a bit more prepared in the event that my brother begins showing signs and symptoms himself. In that case, we will face it together, My Brother and Me. Ten years ago, my husband Joseph developed a slight tremor in his left hand. As it became more pronounced, we consulted a neurologist. After many test he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. At this time it was not a major problem and we continued traveling and living a very active life. A year later memory problems developed. Woe! The symptoms of Parkinson's were minor and certainly not profound enough to create this amount of memory loss. He began to get lost, could no longer balance a check book, was beginning to run into walls and he was falling quiet frequently. This time, after many more tests, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. So now here I am, having to do all the things that I had depended on Joe to do. Boy, did I take him for granted. At first I reacted, as I suspect most people do, with anger, frustrations and doubt that I could handle what had been handed to me. The third year into this it dawned on me that, over the years, it was very seldom that I turned to God. Why was this? Because everything had been going my way and how many of us take time out to say, "Thank you God for showering me with all the so-called good things in life"? The turning point came after I had said, "Why me God?". All of a sudden came the thought, "Why not me? If this is to be, why can I not tolerate some thorns in my life?". Being an observant individual, I knew my anger affected my life, as well as Joe's, as well as everyone who came in contact with me. My decision was to develop a happy attitude. You know what? It worked. As I tended to my husband's needs, I talked and kidded and laughed with him. And every night, I held him in my arms and prayed in his ear. Did he understand? I like to think he did, all I know for sure is he would become quiet and peaceful. Over two years ago he developed a lung and kidney infection and was admitted to the hospital and then a nursing home for further therapy. I refused a stomach tube or any life saving measures. I was told he probably would not live more than four or five weeks, so I brought him home. I stopped all therapy and asked for a swallowing evaluation. The results indicated he could swallow if liquids and food were of a honey consistency. Today he looks great; he is restricted to bed and chair. I use a hoyer lift to move him about. All his food is pureed and he eats well. In fact he probably has come from 132 lbs. up to around 163 lbs. I shave and bed-bath him every day. He has to be fed all three meals with nourishment in between. I also use a suction for mucous and oxygen after he chokes, but for comfort only. Caregiving is not easy but my faith in God and my happy-versus-mad attitude makes for a better life. I thank God daily now for giving me the strength to take care of my husband. He has never been a burden to me. He has given me the best 40 years of my life and I consider it an honor to care for him in his time of need. Til death do us part. |
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