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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Your Caregiving Depression The Losses that Weigh You Down By Denise M. Brown, Editor and Publisher A few years ago, I spoke to a group of family caregivers at a conference in New Hampshire. I spoke about The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey, a concept about the caregiving experience I developed about six years ago. The concept talks about the challenges of the experience, but offers hope that the experience will be worthwhile for the family caregiver. I had often heard requests for help from family caregivers over the years: What will this be like? How will I survive this? I developed the concept as a way to say: This is what it will be like. And, you survive. This is why... As the New Hampshire workshop concluded, a family caregiver asked a great question: Underlying in all that we've been talking about today is the losses that we feel. How in the world do we cope will all these losses? Coping with the losses, which can bring you down faster than another load of laundry, will help you keep the blues at bay and help you focus on some positive experiences. I've brainstormed some ideas on managing a way to deal with the losses. Some ideas: 1. As you and/or your care recipient experience another loss, write a letter about the loss. For instance, when the holidays approach and you decide that it's impossible for your mother to host another Christmas dinner, write a letter about the past holidays that meant so much to you. Or, if you decide that you must scale back on your much-loved activities at church (you'll still keep up with volunteering in Sunday school, but you'll have to give up your position as church board member), write a letter about all that you've learned as a board member. Write about the skills, friends and goals you've met as a result of your work. 2. Grow something to replace what's lost. Start a garden that honors you and your care recipient. When your care recipient can no longer needle-point intricate patterns, plant a new rose bush. When you have to give up your morning coffee clutch with your friends, add a potted blooming flower to the front porch. 3. Add the loss to a hobby. For instance, if you are a woodworker, make a special piece to represent each stage of your experience. Or, if you a knitter or crotchetier, create pieces that reflect your feeling of loss. 4. Share your loss with your support system, whether it be a support group, a close friend, or a family member. Naming the loss and naming the accompanying emotions help you keep a perspective. If the loss and the emotion remain unnamed, sometimes they become bigger than they are and become overwhelming and unmanageable. Talk about them. When you create when you've lost, you balance the scales. And, you give extra meaning to your efforts as a family caregiver. Worth Knowing: How Can Family and Friends Help? --If you suspect that your loved one is depressed, encourage him or her to see a doctor for evaluation and treatment right away. The sooner treatment is started, the sooner the person will start to feel better. Just knowing that the feelings are caused by a treatable illness can help people feel better. --If your loved one has been diagnosed with depression, the most important thing you can an do is encourage him or her to stick with treatment. If one treatment doesn't help, encourage the person not to give up but to keep trying until something helps. Many people need to try several medications before they find one that works for them. --Offer emotional support and affection. Be patient and encouraging. Listen with understanding. Let the person know that you believe the treatment will help and he or she will feel better soon. --If the person talks about death and suicide, take this very seriously, and let the person's doctor know right away. If you cannot reach the doctor, take the person to the hospital emergency room or contact a clergy member. You could be saving the person's life. --Encourage the person to participate in activities he or she used to enjoy. Invite your loved one to go with you to cultural activities, and encourage him or her to come to social gatherings of family and friends. --If the person is irritable or says negative things, try to remember that it is the depressive illness that is causing this. --Finally, it is important to take care of yourself and make time to do things you enjoy. --Depression in Older Adults, A Guide for Patients and Families, The Expert Consensus Guideline Series, Expert Knowledge Systems L.L.C. and Comprehensive NeuroScience, Inc. |
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