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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Home Modifications and Additions Making Room for Mom By Glenda Pickett My decision to move Mom with me was because Mom lost her husband, son and brother within six months. She became very depressed and stayed in bed all the time. Then we noticed she wasn’t eating and was becoming forgetful. We took her to the doctor and they told us she had had mini-strokes that affected her memory. We (my sister and I) found a woman to come in four days a week to clean, make sure Mom had one good meal a day and to give her medication to her. Since I live an hour and a half from her, I couldn’t go every day. I went every Thursday and took her out to eat and to get groceries. My sister only lived about three blocks from her so she took her food and gave her medication on the weekend. I tried to get my sister to take Mom home on weekends but that only happened once. I don’t understand that and never will. My sister and I decided it wasn’t good for Mom to live alone any longer. My husband knew my Mom needed a place to live and couldn’t live alone. My Mom wanted to live with me so I went and stayed some weekends with her while I packed things. My husband is very good at designing things. He designed and helped build our home. He knew we would have to make Mom’s apartment wheelchair accessible so we made all the door openings wider and with pocket doors. He rigged the lights in the bathroom and her closet so they turn on and off automatically. My husband started Mom’s apartment in January 2002 after the slab was done. The slab took forever and my husband ended up helping with that. Well, we then found out that my husband had a heart attack. He had to have a stint put in because one of his valves was totally closed. He came home from the hospital on Wednesday and went back to work the next day for a half-day. From then on, he didn’t sit down. He continued working on Mom’s apartment with the help of our son and son-in-law because he couldn’t lift anything. I even helped lift a wall. We have a great son and son-in-law. It took about five months to complete. During this time, I spent a lot of time at Mom’s going through things and letting her bring anything she wanted. I talked to her each morning I went there about her apartment and about moving. I wanted her to be ready to move when the time came. After everything was packed and she picked out the things she wanted, we moved her in June. The moved was very smooth. She loved the apartment and it didn’t even seem to bother her that she left a home that she had been in for 45 years. My sister’s son bought Mom’s house. I put everything on the walls just like she had it at home. In her bedroom, I took one wall and put nothing but pictures of family and friends. She seemed really happy. It made me feel a lot better because it was hard to take her away from a home she loved. She did really well with the adjustment. My mom has lived here for a year now. She really loves her place and seems to be proud of it. She does talk about her other house but she just wants to make sure her grandson paid for it. In order to maintain our privacy, my husband installed a buzzer that goes off when Mom opens her door. He also put in an intercom, which works well; I don’t have to go over every time I need to call Mom to eat or just tell her something. She does really well with it. If she forgets I can just remind her how to use it over the intercom. I also have put in a baby monitor; I turn it on in the morning so I’ll know when she gets up. She has a phone but we turned off the ringer. If a phone call is for her, I just get on the intercom and tell her to pick up the phone. And, we put a keyless lock on mom's door so we don't have to worry about a key. We just have to remember the code numbers. We got bids to build the apartment, but they were between $35,000 and $45,000—without the windows or furnace. That’s when my husband decided to build it himself. We built it for around $20,000. Mom paid to have it built. She wants to pay rent, but I tell her that she paid to have it built. We do not charge her for anything. The accommodations have worked really well. Mom seems to be very comfortable. She has TV in her living room and bedroom. She has an adjustable bed. She has a refrigerator where she keeps goodies. She cannot have a coffeepot because she forgets to unplug it so I fix coffee the night before and put in a thermos; it’s still hot the next morning for her. Since I fix her meals, I make sure she has snacks to enjoy. My husband is happy with the arrangements. He does get upset when Mom is mean to me. It’s also hard because we can’t go out to eat by ourselves any more. My sister does take Mom one weekend a month, so we can go out then. Now that we have everything settled, I don’t think I would change anything. Everything seems to work well. If my mom has to go to a nursing home or if she should pass away, the apartment will be used by my children and grandchildren. We live on a lake and in the summer, they come every weekend. If you are considering adding such an addition for your loved one, make sure you consider the safety of your loved one. If your loved one is able to live in an apartment alone like mom, build it away from the house. Mom’s apartment is 30 feet from our front door. We put in a sidewalk that goes from our door to hers. Make sure it is set up so you can still check on him or her. We know there might be a time when we will have to have her here in the house because of sickness or a worsening in her memory loss. Another way of keeping an eye on your loved one is with cameras. This may seem like an invasion of privacy, but it is really for his or her safety. You don’t have to have it on all the time, just when you want to make sure he or she is okay. My mother-in-law will be coming in July. She will live upstairs in our home. When we built our home, my husband put in an elevator so she will use that. She is not like my mom—she is still very bright. She is going blind and does use a walker, but is still very independent. She has another daughter who lives about an hour and a half from here and she will take her on occasion. Our mother-in-law will stay with us for a short time. My husband’s sister from California is moving back here and said she will take her. Well, that’s another story. We also have heard that she thinks she can live with Mom, but that won’t happen because my mom’s apartment is just big enough for her. And, I wouldn’t do that to Mom. She loves her little place and is jealous of my husband’s mom. How will I manage? The best I can. I really don’t know. I have been having a lot of trouble with my depression this month and went to the doctor. Needless to say, he is not happy with what I am doing. He said it is not good for me. He changed my anti-depressant and told me he thought it was great I wanted to do this, but it is not good for me. Well, I am going to do the best I can. Home Modifications and Products for Safety and Ease of Use Funding Your Home Modifications Making It Easy For My Wife So It’s Easier On Me |
Quick Tip If you are remodeling a two-story house, have the contractor frame in the shell of the elevator and then add the elevator unit later when needed. Use the space as a closet until the elevator is installed. Source: Adapted with permission from The Comfort of Home: An Illustrated Step-by-Step Guide for Caregivers, by Meyer, Derr RN
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