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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Caregiving or Your career? Sometimes, life is more important than a career Editor's Note: We asked a former family caregiver, Vicki, about experience as she juggled her career and caregiving, then ultimately, left her job to become a full-time caregiver for her mother. Caregiving: Tell us about your mom and about your role as caregiver for her. Vicki: Mother was smart and beautiful. Every day of her life she read the paper. Her day did not go well if it was not delivered for some reason. I noticed she was getting kind of vague several years before she became too ill to be left alone all day. I was her caregiver for nine years. She died May 6, 2001. Mother had several things wrong with her. She had been sick off and on for several years. In 1995 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. She had been in the hospital for other medical problems, and that is where she first had a Sundowning episode. It was terrible. The confusion lessened when she came home from the hospital. From there it was a downhill slide into full-blown dementia. She did improve some when she began taking Aricept. I called the Alzheimer's Association which was a big help. When you hear the diagnosis of AD it seems as though you have been kicked in the stomach. Strange as it may seem I would have preferred cancer or heart disease. But, in life you are not given a choice as to which life-threatening illness will strike your loved one. My friends all deserted me. My sister lived with us so she helped at night and on the weekend. As I look back, I can honestly say that I could never have cared for Mom that long without some help from my sister. Even then some days I felt I couldn't go on. My most vivid memories of caregiving are the days that Mom knew who I was and was somewhat engaged in what was happening around her. We became very close during that time. She was my best friend. Also, I vividly remember the nights she would wake up screaming that she wanted to go home. She would hallucinate and think that she had been taken to a strange place. Living in a condo with this going on wasn't fun. The next day she would remember nothing about what had occurred the previous evening. I also remember how appreciative she was to have me here to care for her. On some level she seemed to realize what I gave up to care for her. Caregiving: When did you quit your job to become a full-time caregiver? How did you come to your decision? What happened that led to your decision (what was the catalyst)? Vicki: In 1992, I decided that she shouldn't be left all day while my sister and I were at work. She had difficulty preparing a noon-time meal for herself. I was working as a technical recruiter in Silicon Valley at the time. The economy had slowed considerably. It seemed the right time to look at Mother's needs rather focus on employment. She was 79 and frail, I didn't know how long she would be with us.
Caregiving: Where you worried about the impact of quitting your job on your future? Did you make any adjustments/provisions to ensure your future would be protected? Vicki: Yes, I was quite worried about my future, however there are times when there are more important things in life than a career. At the time I did not make any provisions to ensure my future would be protected. My focus was Mom's health and well being. It seems kind of foolhardy now to have done nothing about it.
Caregiving: What advice, suggestions would you offer to family caregivers who may feel they must choose between their career and their caregiving? Vicki: Find out what is available in your community to aid the caregiver financially. It wasn't until 1999 that I learned about a program in California called In Home Support Services. It is funded by the county. They sent out a social worker to evaluate Mom and her condition and then awarded her so many hours per month for a caregiver. Because she was so ill she was awarded 40 hours per week. It required her to be on Medi-Cal. That is California's version of Medicaid. From 1992 until 1999 I had no income while I cared for Mom. That was the way I thought it had to be. The other thing to consider is how long you may have with the person you will be caring for. Mom's doctors told me many times over the years that the reason Mom lasted as long as she did was because of the excellent care she received from my sister and I. Caregiving: Looking back, what are you most proud of as you reflect on your caregiving experiences? What wisdom did you gain that seems inherent in how you operate today (i.e., how are you different today because of your caregiving experience)? Vicki: Looking back I would have to say it has given me a new respect for old people and how hard life is for them. I have always been very compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others, but this made me realize how the simplest thing such as walking to the bathroom can become very difficult. Many times Mom would say to me 'I wish I could get around like you can.' At first she needed a walker then she couldn't walk at all.
Caregiving: Can you tell us about your plans for the future? Vicki: Caregiving has had a profound affect on my career plans. Now I am interested in easing the path of the next person who will walk down this road called caregiving. I'm not sure what I will be doing in the future. Many things in my life are changing at the present time. Vicki is 52-years-old, divorced and lives in the Seattle, Wash., area. Prior to caring for her mother, Vicki worked in Silicon Valley as a technical recruiter. She recently left a part-time job helping family caregivers through an online support service. She currently is looking for a full-time job. |
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