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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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(Each month, we take a closer look at an aspect of your caregiving experience. In December, we give thought to rituals and how to create rituals that reflect who we are today.) Exploring The Power of Rituals By Denise M. Brown Rituals surround us. As a caregiver, your rituals lessen some of your chaos. When I cared for my friend, Evie, my morning ritual ensured the rest of our day was as pleasant and as stress-free as possible. She awoke at about 11 a.m.; I assisted her with dressing and a sponge bath; I prepared a three-egg cheese omelet while she watched TV and worked on her needle-point. But, if I deviated from the schedule (and in Evie's eyes, a morning tub bath was a good example of this), the rest of the day was hell to pay. Rituals bring us comfort. They take away some of the surprises. They calm us. During the holidays, rituals become that much more important. For instance, your holiday rituals may involve having the family over for dinner on Christmas Day, just as you have done for the past 35 years. Or, celebrating Hanukkah with immediate family and hosting a New Year’s Eve open house for neighbors, friends and family. Or, baking five dozen Christmas cookies on the 23rd of December, shopping with your daughter on the 24th and spending a quiet night home with your immediate family on the 25th. Unfortunately, chronic illness and disability can make these rituals seem bittersweet. Or gone forever. This year, take some time to create new rituals which reflect your life today. Perhaps baking Christmas cookies and extensive holiday shopping just won't happen because of your caregiving responsibilities. That's okay. But, what rituals can you create to replace these activities that honor your life? For instance, would renting a good holiday movie be enjoyable for you and your care recipient? Would a small get-together of your care recipient's friends during the holiday be fun? (Request that each guest bring their favorite picture of your care recipient so you can create a memory book). Would a small table-top Christmas tree be more appropriate and more manageable? You may find yourself digging in your heels at the idea of changing your rituals. You may find yourself saying: We've always done it this way! We're not changing--no matter what! Keep this in mind: Rituals are meant to work with you, to reflect the blessings and joy you currently feel. The power of rituals is their ability to adjust to you. Your memories of the rituals you create today (which may only last for this year) will become gifts you treasure in the future. Sometimes, if we refuse to change our rituals, we may be choosing to ignore what our life today has become. Forgiveness can help; family caregivers have so many opportunities to hold grudges and to begrudge: The brother who doesn't help, the doctor who doesn't listen, the care recipient who doesn't appreciate, the illness that won't give up. Forgiving these persons and these events for the pain and heartache they have caused may help lessen your burden and open you up to the rituals that bless and comfort. I've included a story about an unusual ritual in one of the accompanying articles. The other sidebar contains a story about forgiveness--and the weight it holds over you. These stories came my way through the Internet, a high-tech version of the old-age art form of story-telling. If you develop new rituals this holiday season, please write to let us know about them. We'd love to share them with other caregivers! Index of Articles Learning To Accept The Roses--And Thorns Resilience: Hanging On To That Secret Weapon Mom Promised That To Me!...The Power of Possessions and How To Manage It Making Your Care Recipient's Medical Decisions Hidden Blessings: What you've gained--without even realizing it Channeling the changes: You've changed--but your friends, family haven't Caring for a step: The challenge of caring for a family member who may not feel like family |
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