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Caring for Parents and Kids



I read The Dance of Anger, about how women have trouble expressing anger and how their anger is often not taken seriously anyway. Mom has always held in anger, and she always taught me to do the same: the things you say can hurt people, and you can’t take back the damage you do. I think she got yelled at in anger as a kid and really suffered from it. So I grew up never ...

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Thanks so much to all who commented with kind and supportive words to my last post. I’m feeling a little guilty for being inactive on the site, taking some support when I need it but not being around to give it back. Mom is having pain or discomfort in her lower abdomen these days. It feels to her like bladder pain, but it’s a constant ache rather than the burning pain typical of a UTI. ...

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Email and Bills


I was reading an article that contained the familiar advice: “Don’t try to convince a dementia patient that you’re right and they’re wrong.” But the author talked about the special heartbreak of dementia when a loved one begins to change into someone very different from the person we love, and that the arguing and convincing is an understandable attempt to bring the person back into the reality we share. I appreciated that compassionate view. It ...

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Checking In

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I’ve been away from the site for awhile. I think I just needed to shift the focus away from the caregiving part of my life for awhile. I’m not a 24/7 caregiver, but I was starting to think about it 24/7. Sometimes I feel like things are pretty stable, and then sometimes I feel like we’re in a decline. But I think that’s because Mom has better days and worse days and my feeling of ...

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Reflections On Stage Four Caregiving


Thank you, Denise. I was just re- reading the stages of caregiving. I am totally in stage four. I agree that in stage four everything rolls off, nothing bothers you people think you are indifferent . They don’t understand you have grown an extra thick skin and know you just have to do it, whatever it may be. You are the only one most of the time to deal with the things that no one ...

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The System Is Beyond Broken


As family caregivers, I’m sure you all understand the difficulties that people face when they have to provide for someone else’s needs continually, but I’m pretty sure the government doesn’t, and doesn’t care to either. As it is, I’m struggling to care for my mom. Before I went to get her, I was told she was walking, using the toilet, and assisting with her own care. She wasn’t. I literally have to do everything for ...

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Aftergiving, Caregiving, and Divine Appointments

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If you follow my blog you know that I am a 40-something, sandwich generation caregiver to my mom, Grace, who suffers from mixed dementia. As I have mentioned before, her old church friends still visit her on Sundays and the deacons from her church bring her communion. This is a nice gesture because nowadays the elderly are forgotten and written off and in some countries euthanized. I joke about me being a Vulcan like Spock ...

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Bringing My Mom Home


I am back from hiatus. In all fairness, I wasn’t really here before. I joined up to get advice on how to handle my mom’s move across the country. I didn’t find anyone who had done the same, but I found something just as valuable, if not more–companionship and support. Thank you, one and all. I was fairly frantic in the month before my mom’s move. It wasn’t exactly planned. She had a stroke in ...

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Everyone Was Sick But Me


My husband started with a high fever last Friday that lasted for a couple of days. He’s still dragging a bit and coughing, but was back to work on Monday. But on Monday, Mom got sick – no fever, but coughing and congestion and a feeling of great misery. My son has had a fever for the past few days – he seems sicker than Mom, but happier. It seems like a miracle that I ...

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It Went Well – I Think


The appointment went really well in that the doctor could not have been more upbeat and optimistic and friendly, and my mom left the office feeling happy and relieved. And so did I! I hope I’m not missing too much. The doctor told Mom, “I have good news for you. You did really well on your tests.” And then she talked about all the areas Mom did well in, like attention and motor control. Then ...

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