Don't miss:
Home > Blogs > Caring for Spouses

Caring for Spouses

Read the blogs of those who care for spouses.

Reflections: The Aftermath

I miss you

I think in some ways we all regress a bit when near our mothers. A part of us, no matter how old we are, wants our mother. In many ways we are still her child and always will be, age is definitely just a number. You know there is love, there is comfort, there is laughter and there is joy when you are near her. But where is your safe place, your place to go ... Read More »

This is Not a Race, I Repeat, This is Not a Race


I like listening to Sam and Dave (yes, I was born in the wrong decade), but when “Soul Man” was blaring away on the alarm at 5 a.m., I’m pretty sure I didn’t feel like singing along. I got up though and off to the gym we went. Mike and I are pretty competitive people; that’s probably why going to the gym is good for the both of us. We are still working on cardio ... Read More »

The Dreaded Phone Call, One Year Later

red rose

One year ago today, I stood at my beloved mother’s bedside. I looked down at a frail, skeletal version of Mama. It had only been a matter of months since I sat with her talking and laughing. Heavily medicated and lost already to years gone by, I gently kissed Mama on her forehead. “It’s Pegi, I’m here, I love you.” The night before I received the dreaded phone call from my sister: This was it, ... Read More »

I’m Sorry, Who Are You?


“I think I’m going to sign up at the rec center to use the gym.” Sorry, who are you? What have you done to my husband? You look like him, you sound like him, and yes, you’re producing the same messes he does, but really who are you? I have been trying for the last year or so to get Mike interested in going to a gym with me to no avail. I think this ... Read More »

Donuts, Taylor Hicks and Eyes


Last month my cousin e-mailed me to make sure everyone at my house was okay because I hadn’t blogged in a while. Since February 4th, to be exact. Frankly, I have composed some brilliant, witty blogs – all in my head! I just haven’t found/made the time to put those wonderful thoughts on the computer. Sometimes once the moment passes, whatever I wanted to write about doesn’t seem like such a momentous thing and I ... Read More »

Two Feet and a Heart Beat


After such a long winter, spring has finally sprung. My backyard now has a swimming pool and the dogs have to dry off their paws before they come in. The sun is shining with warmth and the snow is receding. Today was the warmest to date so I decided to challenge Mike. I suggested we take the dogs for a walk, something he hasn’t been able to do in years. I figured he’d put me ... Read More »

If There Are Setbacks, Why Aren’t There Set Forwards?


The morning after our “temporary” day, I woke up in strange but welcoming peaceful mood. Not just peaceful, happy. I sat on the porch sipping my coffee and felt a joy in my heart that has been missing for awhile. There was no reason, nothing was resolved. Yes, I had done everything I could, now we wait for the results. Still on high alert and yet this strange sensation. This was truly a blessing for ... Read More »

Beginning This Week

Mule Deer Visiting

(Editor’s Note: Today we welcome a new blogger, Penny, who cares for her husband, Carl. You can connect with Penny on her profile page: @penmen.) This week will start the preparation for Carl going on dialysis. On Wednesday, he has an appointment with the urologist and the anesthesiologist. The 15th will be the day of his surgery.  It will be done in his right forearm.  That’s making him a little nervous; he’s afraid of losing ... Read More »

Quitting is for Winners, or Honey I Think I Broke a Dog


I have to say, I’m impressed with my husband. I’m not sure what happened or when it really happened, but he’s decided that he is the keeper of his health and decided to make some changes. First of all, after 30 years of smoking, he is now on week 4 of quitting and feels good. I’ve noticed quite a change in him in this last month with this and I think it is going to ... Read More »

Oy Vey, A “Temporary” Day

day at a sime sunset

Reading yesterday’s comfort by @Denise, I could not help but feel that she had a glimpse into my day. Here is an account of how things went down. We all have days like this. I don’t know about everyone else, but they still catch me off guard. I’m poised at high alert, ready to spring to action. As soon as I figure out just what action is needed! Maybe one day I’ll be able to ... Read More »

Tortoise and the Hare or He’s Getting There

don't give up

It’s been nearly two months now since my husband came home from his extended hospitalization. We are blessed. The nausea and heartburn have subsided and his appetite is back–all wins on the dialysis end. The extreme weariness and pain he was suffering is gone now. Another win. Best of all his positive spirit and determination have also returned. Hasn’t returned to wheeling through the house singing yet, but not too far away. He still has ... Read More »

Room 222 on the 2nd floor

Dean bowling at a fundraiser at one of our conferences

Dean and I attended our eighth annual state brain injury conference last week. We always have a good time there, connecting with old friends, making new ones. Especially my social butterfly husband. With almost 300 in attendance, a third being those with brain injuries, it really is a special treat for us. This year they gave us Room 222 on the 2nd floor, which I thought hilariously funny. They know their man! I was always ... Read More »

There Will Be Cake!

ganache supreme

Time seems to be going faster than I can keep up with these days. I can’t believe another year has passed. The candles on the cake, now so plentiful, I do think we’ll need the fire department on call. I’ve always enjoyed my birthdays. Coming so closely with the beginning of spring, it feels like a time of renewal. A whole sparkling, brand new year just for me. My personal New Year’s Day. This year ... Read More »

What I Learned Last Week or All’s Well That Ends Well

eyes of compassion

I woke up today to the sound of chirping birds. Their song enticed me from my bed. With coffee in hand, I went to the porch. Sat in the rocker and enjoyed the warmth of the sun, the blue of the sky, the peacefulness of my day’s beginning. A moment of bliss to be cherished. I pondered the events of the last week–the infamous invasion of the in-laws. My husband is now sleeping. A sound ... Read More »

Everlasting Love: TLO Is at Rest and at Peace


Love is the beauty of the soul. ~ Saint Augustine Bernard Richard Schiffer: January 24, 1931 ~ March 9, 2014 The house is quiet, so different, so empty. The beautiful aroma of the stargazer lilies fills the house, as one by one, they bloom in their mystical way. Just as the lilies transition from a small bud to a beautiful flower, TLO’s transition into eternal life was just as mystical and just as beautiful. Holding him in ... Read More »

Twenty-Four Hours to GO


Less than 24 hours to go and I’m having all I can do to maintain. My husband is napping. At his insistence I got him up after only about five hours of sleep. He wanted to make breakfast for his family. The fact that he feels like cooking again is good. I would have been happier had he rested longer first, but did as he asked. He went out to the kitchen; I helped him ... Read More »

Eulogy for Carole


(Editor’s Note: Our deepest sympathies to Bob, who’s wife, Carole, died on March 7. Today, he shares his eulogy for her.) My favorite course in college was taken while I was working on a Masters Degree in Music Education. It was called “The Philosophy of Music Education”, which quickly turned into purely the philosophy of music for me. I didn’t care about teaching rug rats then, and I still don’t now. There was one perfect ... Read More »

Home Invasion Continues

breate in and out

Deep breathe and begin yet another fun filled day for the family visit.  Maintaining our regular routine as much as possible, I get my husband up for the day. This is dialysis day, so we get cleaned up, dressed and go to the kitchen for breakfast. Siblings, all being early risers, are anxiously waiting for me to make a second pot of coffee. With nothing less than a gleaming smile on my face, I go ... Read More »

Lucky Answers All


Recently The Husband got a letter from a government agency explaining he would lose part of his benefits if he didn’t call them and correct the address. Okayyy, we thought that was a little strange because he had been getting correspondence from that agency at our new address for over a year. So, he called them. After waiting for 275 hours he finally got through. Husband: Yes. I got a letter telling me I would ... Read More »

Not Normal, Just Different


My sister and I were comparing our mornings a few days ago. She had just got her family off to church and was taking a short break herself before heading out the door. What a chore to get everyone there on time. I, on the other hand, was purposely dawdling with our church preparations and trying to figure out ways to get us there as LATE as possible. My hubby, who has a brain injury, ... Read More »

Should I Offer Room Service?

rocking chair

The big day arrives. Jim’s off to dialysis and I doing the final preparations for the invasion of the in-laws. The clock is ticking. Being underwhelmed, I find myself sitting, watching TV and playing with my tablet. Finally an hour before the flight is due in, I run through the house making sure everything is tidy and clean. I dress for scrutiny. An outfit no caregiver in their right mind would wear, including 3-in. wedges. ... Read More »

Approaching the Final Destination


I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love ~ Mother Teresa With TLO’s recent diagnosis that his cancer has spread to multiple parts of his body,  I have to admit this news, along with intense caregiving over the past month, has put me in a position where I have hit the wall with blogging. While  I’ve learned over the past two years that writing about TLO’s bout with esophageal cancer ... Read More »