Caregiving.com: What resonates for you in the book?
Bette: I felt as though caregiving and our carees’ needs were talked about in a very antagonistic way, in a way that would discourage caregivers from caring, and move them away from the attachment and sacredness of family. Each interview focused on negative feelings, and all the information provided pointed to difficulties in caregiving. I anticipated that I would be offered solutions in the difficulties, but there were none.

I wish that Chapter 12 (It Takes You) had come first in “The Daughter Trap.” That was the area that briefly commended caregivers. It should have been sprinkled throughout.

Caregiving.com: What surprised you about the book?
Bette: What surprised me was that someone could talk so negatively, both the author and the people who were interviewed, about caregiving and people that are in need.

I was surprised that this book was written while Ms. Kennedy was caring for her parents; I am sure that didn’t help her during that time.

Caregiving.com: How did the book help you?
Bette: It made me realize how fortunate I am in what I do, and how important my attitude is that I portray to my caree (my mother).

It affirmed that caregivers are so special. Caregivers should be very proud of the devotion they have for their family member or friend. We also deserve some type of a “degree”, having moved through the difficulties Ms. Kennedy describes over and over.

Caregiving.com: What insights helped you?
Bette: I liked hearing about options to come for the elderly. I particularly liked the “Green House Project”. This was an area that addressed the elderly as people. “Green House” seemed to addresses the importance of community and the human spirit. The elderly are given many “says” in their community living situation.

Caregiving.com: What parts, if any, did you disagree with?
Bette: I did not like the tone of the book. It spoke derogatively about those in need. I wish it had been set up differently, giving caregivers the compliments that they so deserve, and carees the respect and empathy that they deserve.

Caregiving.com: Who would you recommend read the book?
Bette: This book would be better suited for lawyers, and politicians. I don’t know how this would be of help in caregiving, although Ms. Kennedy suggests it was written for caregivers as well.

Caregiving.com: Would you rate the book as Keepers (recommended) or Jeepers (not recommended)?
Bette: Definitely Jeepers. We really need to work on building caregivers up so meeting family and friends’ needs is encouraged versus discouraged. There are so many aspects of caregiving that involve feelings, sometimes the “business” attitude has to be put aside.

Lillie reviewed “Love Equals Sacrifice: The Journey of Loyalty and Service” by Michael Stidham. Our questions and her answers about the book follow.

Caregiving.com: Did the book meet your expectations? 
Lillie: I really had no expectations but after reading the book, I didn’t think it went deep enough into the issues mentioned. 

Caregiving: What did you like? What would you like to see more of? 
Lillie: What I liked most about the book is when the author was talking about his father, being diagnosed with Parkinson’s and then with Alzheimer’s.  My own dad had Parkinson’s and dementia, so I enjoyed that part but I wish he would of gotten into more depth about the trials and tribulations of dealing with someone with these diseases.  He barely touched on each subject.

Caregiving: What was your favorite passage? 
Lillie: My favorite passage is the last paragraph of the book.  The author says what respect he has for all those taking care a relative or someone who is elderly or with Alzheimer’s and what a sacrifice it is.  The author says, “You cannot have authentic love without sacrifice.”  I truly believe this because I am living it. 

Caregiving: What did you learn from the book? 
Lillie: My greatest lesson in reading this book is that I need to keep my God in my life. Prayer is a very important part of my life right now, but I need to pay more attention to what I am praying for and what I am asking for but, most of all, what I am thankful for. 

Caregiving: How did you feel when you finished the book? 
Lillie: I felt great about reading the book.  It was an easy read and was very uplifting.  The last chapters meant the most to me, when the author was talking about his journey back into his Catholic faith. 

Caregiving: As a family caregiver, what’s most useful to you about the book? 
Lillie: What is most useful to me about the book is just knowing that there are others, just like me, doing what I am doing, making this sacrifice to care for someone else, and knowing that this is what I am here for.  This is my purpose.  It is what it is. 

Caregiving: Would you recommend this book to other family caregivers? Why or why not?
Lillie: I would recommend the book to others because not only is it easy to read, its nicely written, and it is very spiritual.  I would recommend it mostly to those who are Catholic because it does make reference to the Catholic faith.

(Editor’s Note: “Love Equals Sacrifice: The Journey of Loyalty and Service” is available for purchase in our store.)

(Editor’s Note: Ann reviewed “The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff” by Julie Hall. What follows are our questions and her answers.)

Caregiving.com: Did the book meet your expectations?
Ann: It exceeded my expectations by offering far more information than I anticipated. I thought it was about moving your parents out of the family home since the book’s subtitle is “Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.” It covered that topic along with a wealth of additional information about how to get parents to discuss and legally specify their wishes with wills and powers of attorney, how to get them to dispose of their years of “stuff,” and how to start the discussions about whom in the family gets what.

Julie also helps the reader ascertain how to value possessions — whether you have family heirlooms or junk. And she walks the reader through how to deal with the emotions of the loss of one’s parents and settling their estate.

Caregiving.com: What did you like? What would you like to see more of?
Ann: I loved the stories that Julie told, so many rang true. It’s clear she has years of experience in the field and really knows her stuff. I laughed when she talked about typical finds in seniors’ homes, including bread bag twisty ties and Cool Whip containers. Even though we’ve moved my parents out of their home of 35 years and into an independent living apartment, I’m still trying to get my mom to pare down her collection of twisty ties and Styrofoam containers from the dining room.

While the story format of the book was engaging, if I used the book as a personal reference, having a more defined chapter listing (what topics each chapter covered) would have been very helpful.

Caregiving.com: How did you feel when you finished the book?
Ann: I felt supremely grateful that my parents saved my brother and me the burden of dealing with unresolved issues around their estate and their “stuff.” And I felt very sad and troubled about some of the stories Julie told about seniors being ripped off by their own children, neighbors and unscrupulous service providers. Greed is evidently alive and well in many families and communities.

Caregiving.com: As a family caregiver, what’s most useful to you about the book?
Ann: In addition to the general information Julie provides, she adds great checklists throughout the book that cover a variety of situations dealing with elders and their final years. She ensures you’re prepared to handle everything needed to resolve disposition of their estate. She also has highlighted sections throughout the book where she talks to parents, so it’s a book that can be read by adult children and their parents.

Caregiving.com: Would you recommend this book to other family caregivers? Why or why not?
Ann: If you have parents who are still living in the family home with years of accumulation, parents who haven’t written their wills and powers of attorney (both property and healthcare) and/or parents who may have valuables (either sentimental or monetary) that they haven’t formally designated distribution of, then this book is definitely for you!

Related articles

• Book Review: “Reflections For A Caregiver” (caregiving.com)

I have been given the opportunity to do a review on the PDF form of The Aging with Grace Caregiver Survival Kit. First, I think this is a great way for folks to use this tool kit. Why? The ability to print additional pages of sections or to reprint sections updated more frequently than others rather than if you were to go out and purchase a book and have to constantly erase (if your using pencil) or white out and write in again, or try to fit in pieces of papers and hope that they do not fall out!

For example, the Current Medications List. This is a vital section that MUST be current and updated at all times. As a caregiver, I take the responsibility of keeping my father’s medication list current very serious. The PDF provides you with two pages, which is enough for 10 different medications. Just the regular monthly medications my father takes is 10! So if they add more because he has a cold or has been hospitalized, it would be very simple for me to walk over to my computer and print additional copies of those pages and simply add to his book.

This is a great tool for those who are caregivers that work out of their home and have to hire a sitter to come into your home or have a nurse that comes in. There’s a section for daily schedule (routine), emergency contact list, a daily medication log, a place to put a copy of their insurance information and other documents. What is great is it also provides you with important resources and tools.

I would also recommend using a hole punch and buying a three-ring binder to keep this in. It would make it very easy for you to take out or add additional pages without losing pages, or the worry of any of the pages getting out of order. You could even put in tabbed dividers to section each section off as well. Also, while you keep track of important information, you can grab this book at any moments notice as it doesn’t contain very private information like account numbers, and such, just the location of said items so when the need arises you know where to locate them.

The Aging with Grace Caregiver Survival Kit is available free of charge at http://awgcareconnection.blogspot.com/.

(Editor’s Note: Ann reviewed “Reflections For A Caregiver” by Jo Kemp. What follows are our questions and her answers.)

Caregiving.com: Did the book meet your expectations?
Ann: “Reflections For A Caregiver” by Jo Kemp exceeded my expectations! When I first received the book, my heart sank because it is very thick and appeared daunting. I wasn’t sure I had the patience to read a big book on caregiving, since caring for my mom and dad already takes so much time. When I opened the book and saw it was a series of short daily reflections with an affirmation, I relaxed. I immediately started reading the reflections, finding help with each one.

I was also concerned because it’s directed at caregivers with family members with Alzheimer’s, which is not my circumstance. But I found the vast majority of the topics apply to me.

Caregiving.com: What did you like? What would you like to see more of?
Ann: I love that you can read it in bites. You can pick it up and open it and read a short, 1-page reflection with affirmation. Or you can read it by the calendar date, as the book is laid out. I continuously skipped around, looking for topics that are meaningful for me in the moment. I was happy to see there is an index in the back where you can find a particular topic that you need help with – which is how I would read it.

Caregiving.com: How did you feel when you finished the book?
Ann: Affirmed, supported, fully human and accepting of my strengths and shortcomings as a caregiver. I also feel good knowing that my shortcomings as a caregiver are not unique to me and are a part of the universal caregiving experience.

Caregiving.com: As a family caregiver, what’s most useful to you about the book?
Ann: It addresses the full range of topics one faces as a caregiver, from the good (topics like Hope and Imagination) to the bad (Grump Days – we all have them)  to the ugly (Emotional Exhaustion, Bitterness, Death). It approaches each topic with love and grace and an understanding of how difficult, frustrating, rewarding and spiritually fulfilling caregiving is.

Caregiving.com: What suggestions can you offer the author which would improve the book?
Ann: The only suggestion I would possibly have would be to add quotes from family caregivers. But that is a very small suggestion about a very good book.

Caregiving.com: Would you recommend this book to other family caregivers? Why or why not?
Ann: I would highly recommend this book as a reference book that sits on your bedside table to read before you start the day or at the end of the day – whenever you feel the need for a little emotional support. I’m giving it to my mom to read, since she is also caring for my 91-year old father who has terminal cancer. My mom, at 89, is of a generation where you didn’t talk about  your feelings. This book will help her understand all of her feelings are normal and human.

(Editor’s Note: Susan reviewed “Before It’s Too Late-Don’t Leave Your Loved Ones Unprepared” an end-of-life planning guide.)

One of the most difficult moments in beginning my role as a caregiver for my father was having to search and hunt through his personal papers so that I could get everything organized into one place. Having this workbook at hand at that time would have been perfect. I believe this is a great tool for caregivers to be able to calmly gather all the important information they need, and have it all in one place ready when things come up and have as a handy reference tool, to preparing for final arrangements.

As I read through the workbook, the instructions were very clear and easy to understand. It covers everything you can think of, from private personal information, to employment, insurance, medical history, family history, insurance information, technology and personal property information, even business ownership information. There is a section for last will and advanced directives such as a DNR, living will, etc. Also included are those tough areas that are not easy to think about, let alone talk about: the final arrangements, a place to write the obituary and, if there are family pets involved, what is to be done with them.

My only concern with this book is that so much personal information is listed from banking account numbers, credit card account numbers, social security number, etc. This book is large in size and you really need to make sure you have a good sized fire- and waterproof- safe to keep it in. The book would not fit in the safe that my father typically uses now. The book also is not able to bend to fit inside. Before we can use this to its fullest potential, we have to wait until we have a bigger waterproof safe to put it in.

This book is as valuable as life itself with all the information it contains.

(Editor’s Note: Jason reviewed “Fun Foods,” part of series created by Dan Koffman called “Simple Pleasures for Special Seniors.” The picture book series is designed to be an activity for persons with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia.)

I believe the use of this book can be an excellent way for any caregiver to connect with a senior who has difficulty doing so through words. The common images, photographed and duplicated in such a high-quality manner, make for an excellent tool that has the capability of being used professionally in mental health treatment for those with cognitive deficits, as well as between a family member and their loved one.

A point of consideration for the author/those marketing this line of books is specialization of content to geographic location/cultural specificity. While content would remain simple, the connection the images would create could be stronger as pictures could be specified to commonalities among them and their peers. The result is a  product that is strengthened in its original intent, as well as being more marketable within specific geographic regions. I will provide an example from my personal experience as a geriatric clinician providing therapy to persons diagnosed with psychiatric disorders.

The seniors I provide treatment to are located in North Alabama.   Most people I treat are lifetime farmers or came from farming families. In doing individual and group therapy I would often use such books as this to facilitate reminiscence. Common foods that were familiar to them were molasses, biscuits, collard greens, pinto beans, etc. These “southern” foods would make for a sub genre of the same type of book as “Fun Foods.” I anticipate that such individualized books, if marketed to outpatient clinics and other senior services, would be highly marketable. Materials such as these usually have to be crafted by the staff themselves because of being difficult to find.

Also, materials used in making the book may prove more marketable if pages were made of a more rugged material. Children’s books, for example, are often made with a more cardboard like material with a slick surface in case the child attempts to chew or tear the pages. Creating them in this fashion for seniors would allow them to be reused over and over and less likely to rip and tear with reuse. These types of materials get used over and over with staff such as clinicians and technicians in the mental health field.

These pictures are certainly big enough to be enjoyed by someone even with poor eyesight. Though, as a marketer, my mind contemplates a versatility issue. If the book were oversized (like say 2-3 times its current size) it could be used as a visual prop to be used in groups, as well as still being able to be used with individuals.

I love seeing Dan creating such books that serve such a wonderful purpose. They not only serve as a way to give joy to the one receiving care, but to the caregiver. Making tools that help the caregiver is something I have great appreciation for.

Related articles

• Research finds photos more useful than words (scienceblog.com)