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Tell Us: Whose Lack of Support Hurts You the Most?


On Sunday night, during our evening chat, we discussed the family members we thought who would support us but don’t. Or, can’t. Or, won’t. We all have stories about family members and friends who disappear (well, run) when caregiving enters our life’s equation. I wonder, though, which one hurts the most? Which one who turned and left still smarts? Tell us about the lack of support from a family member or friend which really causes ...

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Tell Us: What Has Been Taken Away Because of Caregiving?


Earlier this week, I wrote about how I hate to ask for help because I fear that I’ll lose what I love to do. Yesterday, I received an email about an activity I love to do–co-host #eldercarechat–and asking me if I was up to continuing. It was the email I dreaded receiving and worked so hard to not happen. I explained that I can continue and will continue. But, oh, my heart dropped. It may ...

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Tell Us: When Do You Hate to Ask for Help?


I regularly ask for help. I’m good about asking my siblings to take my parents to a doctor’s appointment if I can’t. I’m good about stopping to ask for directions when I’m lost. I’m good about asking for help from volunteers in our community. But, I still face situations when I know I have to ask for help and I just hate it. For instance, I hate when I have to ask someone to help ...

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Tell Us: What’s the Worst Gift You’ve Ever Received?


Last month, @janshriver celebrated a birthday. During our discussion about her birthday, we veered off into a conversation about gifts, with Jan and @hussy sharing about some of the worst gifts they’ve received. Jan shared this one: “My mother-in-law sent me, a few years ago, and while my girls were still living at home, a birthday present consisting of USED BRAS in a size that would double as an Easter Bonnet. She had known me ...

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Tell Us: I Hate When…


…someone sends me unsolicited advice that’s not applicable to my situation. I also hate when my parents overreact to problems that don’t exist. For instance, they’ll often look out the window and anxiously say to me, “Where’s your car?” My car will be parked in front of the neighbor’s but they won’t look up and down the block, just directly out the window. I went through this yesterday–once with my mom and once with my dad. ...

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Tell Us: What Has Disappeared for You During Caregiving?


On Sunday, during our #carechat on Twitter, we discussed how to keep your life during a life of caregiving. During a discussion about what disappears during caregiving, one of our participants shared that meals out have disappeared. Every night means a meal in, with him cooking and cleaning, because they can’t go out for a meal. I think everyone who cares for a family member or friend has an activity or relationship or event, like meals ...

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“Caring for Mom and Dad” Documentary: What Did You Think?


I just watched “Caring for Mom and Dad,” the PBS documentary. The film aired last Thursday in Chicago at 10 p.m.–too late for me so I recorded it for another day (which turned out to be today). I wonder, too, what that says when a film about an issue that impacts so many gets a non-prime-time air time. I loved the stories of the family caregivers profiled during the film. I loved the diversity in gender, ...

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Tell Us: When Do You Feel Resentful?


This morning on Your Caregiving Journey talk show. @goinhome, who cared for her mom and cares for her dad, joined me to talk about the insidious feeling of resentment. (Listen to our show archive.) Linda shared that she resented her mom, her mom’s doctors and her husband. We talked about what makes resentment so difficult–we’re pointing our finger at someone (or something) and saying, “I resent YOU.” Oh, gosh that’s hard. Linda mentioned that resentment ...

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Tell Us: What Brings on the Guilt?


You have to be two places at the same time. Because that’s impossible, you have to make a choice as to which place you’ll be. You’re physically present in that one place but the guilt means you’re really thinking about the other place. Or, you have a day during which you don’t have the energy to do all that’s required. You decide to give yourself a break, which means your caree stays in pajamas all day. ...

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“Julie Juice” Or What’s Your Caree-ism?


This afternoon, my dad turned to my mom and I to ask, “Did you bring me any Julie Juice?” “Oh, no,” we said. My mom added, “You said not to because of the IV.” “Oh,” my dad said, crestfallen. My brothers both turned to look at us with quizzical looks and asked, “What’s Julie Juice?” “Julie Juice” is my dad’s term for Vitamin Water. He returned home from the hospital with strict instructions to only drink ...

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