My mom is verbally abusive, according to the descriptions offered by these 5 professionals. Reading these books feels like someone gave me the keys to a very difficult puzzle. Like I could have spared myself YEARS of anguish and failure if someone had let me in on ‘the secret’ in my early 20s. I guess [...]
How do I know if my mom is truly, objectively deliberately verbally abusive, or just out of control pathetic, paranoid and delusional? What a crazy question even to ask! Even to THINK! Let alone admit in a public forum. Nevertheless, I needed to know the answer. Would these books yield any insight? Oh, one thing [...]
Is my mom truly verbally abusive as I have often suspected? My internal dialogue goes something like this: Yadda, yadda. How fashionable to lob the abusive allegation against someone these days. Dr. Phil, Oprah, it is literally everywhere. Isn’t everyone abused at some point? It’s almost blasé–it’s so commonplace. And, at the same time, do [...]
What would it be like to live with no regrets? When I first thought of this, it seemed like the answer was the same as the answer to the question, “What is possible in my relationship with my mother?” …A transactional relationship, with me setting limits if I’m attacked, demonstrating emotional restraint and responsibility, and [...]
On how I do love my mother: Given that it’s not healthy to be enmeshed with someone who does not respect any boundaries or possible to truly connect with someone who is not emotionally mature and developed enough to have a healthy intimacy, feeling the love has definitely been a challenge for me. On reflection, [...]
What is possible in my relationship with my mom? I like possibilities. I like thinking outside the box. It motivates me. I like to feel like there are options, possibly new things I hadn’t considered. So, I dove right into thinking about this when Denise asked me to. First, I thought about what my mom [...]
Everyone, I have learned so much in recent weeks, it’s taken me a bit to be able to digest it and be able to write coherently about it. There is literally so much to say, I almost feel speechless, if that makes any sense. I am breaking down this huge monolithic exploration of ideas into [...]
In the last few days (weeks?) I’ve thought a lot about the idea of learned helplessness, and it’s cousin—secondary gain [the side benefits people derive from their illnesses like attention, catering, and a reason to not have to take responsibility]. And, I’m repulsed. I’m repulsed to recognize these qualities in myself in past situations – [...]
Living in DC, there is only one radio station: NPR. (Unless you like gospel, country & western, soul, r&b, religious talk or latin–and I don’t!) OK, so maybe there’s just no Top 40 or college radio where I am. OK–whatever! So–given that there is only one radio station–NPR, that’s all I listen to now. And [...]
Yesterday my best friend from 8th grade came over and we had the most interesting conversation. She has 2 little girls with mental retardation, and so, though the specifics of caregiving are different, there are some areas of overlap too. She’s been at this caregiving gig a lot longer than me–her oldest is 16. Plus, [...]
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