No More Pain

Mom had a pretty good day today. She was feeling much better and was able to eat a liquid diet. She really enjoyed her cream of mushroom soup and lime sherbet. At 8 o’clock she told me to go home, because she didn’t want me to be out late. At about 10 pm, her nurse called me to say she was having trouble breathing and not responding well.  I went right down and was able to tell her I was there. Mom...

Time To Go?

Mom has been ill for the past week, but refused to go to the doctor until Friday afternoon. The doctor suggested going straight to the ER. Mom said, “Absolutely not!” I got my sister to come (she’s four hours away). On Saturday morning, when her pain pills no longer touched the pain, and my sister and brother-in-law added their voices to mine, Mom agreed to go to the ER. By that time, we had to...

There’s Always One More Thing

I remember thinking that I would never again book three appointments in one week because it made me crazy. Never say never. This past week I had three appointments before Friday, when I had five on one day. Needless to say, I took the entire day off from work to do this. On Monday, I took time to turn in my retirement paperwork. I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief and lightness once I did this. My official...

Would You Like a Little Whine With That?

A week of doing the bear hug waltz for all transfers took a little bit of a toll on my back. The good news is that Mom’s hand healed much faster than the doctor expected, so she is back to doing her own transfers. The reddened skin on her bottom—which developed really fast—never really became an open sore, but I think it was a close thing. I know that it hurt her quite a bit. It seems to be healing now and at...

Bear Hugs

Mom had carpal tunnel surgery on her left hand on Monday morning. It hurts her still, but not enough for pain pills. The biggest problem is that she can’t put her weight on her hand yet, so she needs help getting up and down. Her right arm is hurting, because she is putting more of her weight on it in trying to get up and down by herself. So we are doing the Bear Hug Waltz (Thanks, Donna W!) Mostly, I have...

Birthday Baby Blessings and EMTs

Last Sunday was my birthday. And the occasion of baby blessings for three of my great nieces—same place and time. And a family gathering afterward. I think it is safe to say that it was a happy occasion for all. Of course, there was a snag. Just before we headed out to the church, I saw one of the cats—one of my brother’s cats, who has been displaying emotional distress—sitting on the Lifeline phone. It...

New PERS?

We had an interesting weekend. During the weekend our Lifeline phone was ruined. I need to get a replacement ASAP. However, at nearly $50/month, this service is getting quite pricey. Since I am contemplating retirement and a reduced income, I wonder if there are any other reliable systems that any of you could recommend? I would appreciate any and all input.

Mom Bibs

While shopping for a baby gift this weekend, I noticed all of the cute bibs. It reminded me that many of our caree’s have trouble handling food. Although Mom does pretty good, sometimes she is shaky. We have a drawer full of pretty, decorative kitchen towels which have been given to us as gifts. These make perfect “bibs” for Mom. She can tuck the end in the neck of her top to catch any spills. I...

Some Good News

During Mom’s last visit to the renal specialist, he told her that her kidney function had declined and he wanted to prepare her for eventually undergoing dialysis. She told him she definitely did not want dialysis. He said he would respect that decision. Given her hemoglobin numbers, he gave her a Pro-Crit shot. He put her back on regular monthly lab work. I took Mom back for her regular visit today. And all...

Whirling Dervish

It’s Saturday! Today I need to: Shop: I need to hit four to five stores (pet store, discount store, drug store, large bulk items store, ?something for me?) Clean: All Floors (vacuum & mop), bathrooms, cats’ spraying, cats’ boxes & food. Cook: Meals for next week. Make copies: Church program for tomorrow. So . . . What am I doing sitting here blogging? Just wanted to take a moment before I...

Dread

I am a coward. I admit it. I dread dealing with anything legal, or new, or different. Wednesday, I was finally able to take off long enough to get my brother’s vehicle titles changed into my name so that I can do something with them. I cried on the way to the DMV. It seems like I cry every time I have to deal with closing or ending one more aspect of his life. That’s part of it, of course. . ....

A Common Life

For many years, I have loved this poem by Emily Dickinson: If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain I think this aptly applies to those of us who take on the role of caregiving. This has been a comfort to me, when I have felt that life was passing me by and when I...

Smiley Faces

Someone stole our smiley faces. The bums! On our door at work, we have signs with sliding smiley faces to let people know where we are, to give them some idea of when we will return. One morning last week, I found that someone had stolen our smiley faces. Sometimes it seems like life events have stolen my smiley face. I went out to lunch with a co-worker and she said that she doesn’t see me smile anymore...

AAARRRGH! Doctors!

Took Mom to see the hand surgeon this week. Second appointment with him. Second time he kept us waiting two hours. I was ready to walk out much earlier, but Mom kept saying, “Let’s just wait a few more minutes.” Finally, I had enough and said, “We are going now!” I wheeled her out to the front, stopped at the desk and said we couldn’t wait any longer. The doctor and his surgery scheduler came trotting...

Aftermath and Adjustments

After my brother passed away on December 2nd, both Mom and I got sick. In addition, Mom had a couple of small strokes. I can tell that her short-term memory is worse. Her kidneys have gotten worse, but the renal specialist scheduled her for tests preparatory for dialysis without telling her what it was. I should have asked exactly what her lab results were before he scheduled this, but I just didn’t think of...

Things Mama Never Told Me

I have a very dear friend with whom I have stayed in contact for many years. Through the years we would commiserate with each other whenever we faced a new difficulty. We would always say to each other, “Mama never told me about this!” It was our way of saying that life is not fair and we never expected whatever current problem we were facing. It helped us to laugh at ourselves and get on with dealing...

Courage

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ” May Anne Radmacher Sometimes I find it so hard to deal with the emotions that come along with caregiving. I find that most people don’t understand…only those who are caregivers or have been seem to instinctively know that I ride a roller coaster of...

Transitions

When Wes had his stroke, I felt like I had been hit upside of the head with a 2 x 4. How could I cope with this? I found myself grieving for the loss of the person he was, having to adjust to a different relationship–one in which I was the adult taking care of a large, lost child. Somehow, we developed a routine and, even though there were more doctors, more meds to take care of, more juggling of time,...

Homeward Bound

I have been wanting to share something of my experience, but I find it’s difficult. One of my many nieces suggested and sang “Homeward Bound” at my brother’s memorial. Here is a version of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iB0gBkad9Q&feature=autofb This is our last picture of him, taken the weekend of November 7th (Mom’s birthday), when my younger brother was visiting from the...

Stress

I was watching/listening to our local PBS station the other night while I was getting ready for bed, after having helped Mom with her bath and closed up the house. I listened to a well-known author telling us that there is no stress in the world. It’s all in how we decide to react to situations. I find it hard to believe that this person has ever been in the position that caregivers are in. I can’t...

Family Dinner

Now that all of the kids are grown and have homes and families of their own, they rotate hosting holiday dinners. This year, the youngest boy and his wife have a house, rather than an apartment, and hosted for the first time. Everyone contributes to the dinner, so that all of the work doesn’t fall on one family. (I contribute my special dinner rolls.) They always fix special portions to meet Grandma’s dietary...

Forgiveness, Gratitude and Love

Talking with a friend last night, she said to me, “Forgiveness, gratitude and love. If we have these, we’ll be okay.” It sounds simple, but requires conscious, constant work. With all of Mom’s considerable physical health setbacks, she has said, “Look at what I can still do!” Sometimes she has to spend some time grieving her loss and work through to the “glass half...