“Leave of Absence” Part One

Hello everyone. I feel like I need to apologize for my time away from the site, but as soon as I do, the feeling kinda passes. I know you all understand. Still, I’m sorry my absence has been this lengthy. As you know from the last post, Gram passed away May 11th, in the evening. I was there for her last breath, as was my father. It was the most heartbreaking and painful moment of my entire life. I’d...

May 11, 2010

My Grandmother passed away a few hours ago. I am sitting at her bedside. After all that happened today, after all the family had gone, phone calls made, and all else was taken care of, the only thing I felt moved to do was to come on here and let you all know. I feel so blessed to be a part of this site. I don’t even know what I’m writing at this point, or what I should be writing, but here I am. We...

Almost Time?

Hi everyone. It’s 2 a.m. here, and although I’m tired, I feel the need to do a little bit of writing. I had planned on catching up on everything here on the site, but I’ve been wandering around today, unable to focus or concentrate on much of anything. It’s just too sobering around here to concentrate on anything else but the present circumstance. Gram is still holding on, but it’s...

Bad Dreams (And a Lost Cat)

I left to go back home to CA for three days in order to take care of some business paperwork from an old account. The first night I had an awful dream that Gram was turning blue and was on her death bed. I have dreams like this frequently, and always if I am away from her for any length of time. They’re the kind of dreams that are so vivid and painful that they haunt you for the rest of the day and into the...

Tough Evening With Gram

Hi everyone. I just had an episode with Gram. My cousin and I put her on the bedside commode (since she now sorta passes out whenever we put her on the toilet), and in a matter of about a minute, she did her passing-out thing again. If that wasn’t scary enough, she was doing some kind of involuntary pursed-lip breathing thing that might have been what they call Cheyne-stoking. These events freak me out. Every...

Guilt and Confusion: A Confession

I’ve been having trouble lately. A few weeks ago Gram took a turn for the worst, and everyone thought we were at the end. She slept for days, wouldn’t eat or drink, hallucinated, etc. The nurses and doctor thought we only had days. All the family had gathered around, and when she awoke for a few minutes, she seemed to be saying goodbye. Then…she got better. I don’t know how to describe what...

Pneumonia

Gram has it. I’m trying not to be panicky.

Strange times…

I’ve been trying to figure out how to best write my post for this week, but as usual I’m having a tough time. These last few weeks have been trying, as I’ve shared with you all. Recently there has been a lot of family turmoil as well, though it’s mostly been unrelated to Gram’s illness. I find myself caught in the middle, whether I like it or not, and I hate it. With all of this family...

Happy Easter! Another Update

Gram made it to another one. I truly didn’t think it was going to happen after the rough time we just had, so I invited family over for a big dinner and such on Saturday, figuring that earlier was better. It went really well and Gram seemed to enjoy having lots of people around. She’s spent most of this evening ordering me about, so while she’s declined since last week, she is still herself. I...

As Promised, an Update…

Thanks to everyone for all the support. Gram has rallied the last couple of days, and while she’s still sleeping a lot and hasn’t been moved from her bed, she has requested fluids and some nutrition. So, we are happy for that. I don’t know how much longer she has, but I am so glad I’ve gotten some extra time with her. I was beside myself last night because she had been extra emotional when...

Quick Update on My Whereabouts

Hi everyone. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I took a few days vacation to fly to a friend’s wedding last week. During that time, Gram took a turn for the worst and is doing very poorly. I will write more on this later, but I desperately wanted to hop on here and talk with you guys about what’s been going on. She started sleeping until 4 in the afternoon and as of a few days ago,...

What happens when WE are sick?

So, I’m sick again. I’m sure it is due to the stress of caregiving and the news we just received from the doctor, as well as the everyday routine I have for myself. I’m never outside, I am not eating well, I haven’t been working out, and all I can think about these days is death. None of these things are conducive to a healthy life. I was sick with H1N1 in November, was sick three weeks in...

“A Few Months Left”

I just came from my Gram’s doctor’s appointment. They think she only has a few months left, and bluntly discussed her dying at home. The words hit me like a slap in the face, even though I know that the signs are there. She has been getting weaker and weaker, and there has been a change even since last month. There were four of us in the room. My Gram, her day-time caregiver, me, and the doctor. When...

Unpleasant Conversations…Hospice and Palliative Care

I’m sure this has been discussed  on this site before, but it has happened again over in my neck of the woods. Today was interesting. For starters, I pulled a back muscle in the morning while doing a light workout–in an attempt to be “healthier” and to “take care of myself.” Sigh. Also, my Gram’s daytime caregiver was sick, but we were lucky enough to get our weekend gal...

A Hello And A Bit of My Caregiving Story

I am so glad to be a new addition to the Caregiving.com team. I thought it might make sense to write an introduction as my first posting, so here it is! I am in my late twenties and sort of happened into a caregiving role for my 87-year-old grandmother. My father was the primary caregiver for the last few years before her health declined due to strokes and hip injuries. However, last year I received the fateful...