Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You:
Margaret
Schaeffer Care recipients: Anna Teague, Margaret's mother, and Milton Schaeffer, Margaret's 43-year-old son who suffers from cerebral palsy Nominated by: Mirca Liberti, director of development, Children of Aging Parents, Levittown, Pa. Excerpt from Mirca's nominating letter: "Margaret balances her caregiving responsibilities well. Her mother attends day care three days a week. This gives Margaret time for herself and time to socialize with friends. She is always ready to counsel a parent of a handicapped family member as well as a caregiver of an elderly person." Margaret's Words: When I wake up in the morning, I say: "'I'm not going to get upset today.' I always thought I could do everything, that I could be everything. I've found another side of myself that comes out, that can be impatient and nasty. I've found out something about myself that I didn't like. I know I can't handle everything." When I feel frustrated, tired and angry, I: "get quiet. I want to be left alone. I sit in the kitchen with my box of junk and my television. That's my hideaway, where I can sit and relax." Advice for other caregivers: "Have patience. And just feel, in your way, you're doing the service that you should." Best treat I give myself: "In the evening, my son and I put our soap opera on TV, eat chips and drink soda." Margaret Schaeffer worries about her mother, who has lived with her since suffering a stroke six years ago. And, in her worries, she wishes she had someone to share the decisions that are coming. Margaret's husband passed away twenty-five years ago and so Margaret has faced her caregiving responsibilities alone. "Sometimes I do wish I had someone to make the decisions for me," Margaret admits. "And sometimes you do make the wrong decisions, but you do the best you can." Margaret sees her mother failing since she had pneumonia in early 1995. "I see her deteriorating," Margaret says, "she's almost helpless." With her mother's increasing helplessness, Margaret sees the hardest decision coming closer and closer. "I feel the time will come when something will happen. I will make a decision; I realize I can't spend the rest of my life being tied down." Which isn't to imply that Margaret regrets her decision to move her mother into her home. On the contrary, she's proud of the care she provides for her mother. "When I visit nursing homes, I see people there that are lonely. I feel good that my mother has been home, living with me." As Margaret talks of the nursing home decision, the discussion turns to the next step for Margaret. What will her life be without the care of her mother? "What would I do with myself?" Margaret ponders. "I'm so used to being busy and not going out. I don't know if I'll be able to re-enter the world." But Margaret doesn't dwell on her sadness. She rejuvenates her spirit by helping out at her son's social group, "The Handicapped Crusaders". "I get my inspiration from them," Margaret says. As will many family caregivers find inspiration in Margaret, a woman quick to point out her weaknesses while she hedges about her strengths. But her gifts are obvious: her sense of humor, her love of others, her joy in others' good fortunes. Visitors to Margaret's home are always welcome, just as Margaret will always have a special place in her home for her mother. |
The
Caregiving Years: |
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© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2002 |
