Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You:
Florence
Render Care Recipient: Florence's mother, Cleta, who is 97 years old. Florence cared for her father and her husband until their deaths in 1982 and 1983 (they died within six weeks of each other) Nominated by: Sally Loeffler, a member of Florence's Rosary group What advice do you wish you would have received when you first began caregiving?: I loved nursing; it's part of who I am. So, I didn't have a problem with the hands-on care. My problem is that I'm isolated; mother wants me by her side constantly. What's the proudest achievement in your life?: I was a great nurse. I worked as an Emergency Room nurse for 20 years. When I was at work, I was ecstatic.'' What life lesson have you learned as a result of your caregiving responsibilities?: When you pass love on, it comes back two-fold. What legacy would you leave to another family caregiver?: There's no perfect way to care. Perfection isn't the goal. Love is. When you feel stressed, you?: I listen to music (from the 40's and 50's), pray and say my Rosary. What is your wish for your family in 2001?: To find peace within themselves. I'm always striving for peace. Do you worry about venting your frustrations as a caregiver? Because you know if you vent to the wrong person, you undoubtedly will be faced with this question: Well, if it's so bad, why don't you just put her in a nursing home? When Florence vents, she vents to the right person; she goes straight to the top. God. When it's a bad day, she'll tell him. A bad day may be like this: Her mother sometimes calls Florence, Momma. To Florence, who never wanted children, this name is like nails on a chalkboard. So, she'll tell God: Why do you give me this? Why this, of all things, someone who calls me Momma? I don't want to be a Momma! Of course, all of Florence's conversations are prefaced and prefixed with a good laugh. She describes herself as enjoying the company of people who are eccentric-because that's who she is. A former nurse, I asked her if she would like to return to nursing someday. "Oh, no, I don't think so," she says hesitantly at first. "I've done that," she continues, her voice getting stronger, "maybe I'll open an antique shop." Florence loves to provide care; she understands what her mother's medical needs and has outfitted the house (grab bars, toilet seat riser, bed-side commode, wheelchair, walker) to ensure her mother's safety and level of independence. It's the house-bound feeling that makes her crazy. But, when help arrives a few times a week, Florence is out the door, into her car for a ride, music and loud singing. "I love to drive in my car," she says. "It brings back nice memories of when I was a kid. It just relaxes me." She did recently look at a nursing home with her sister. But, the staff's honest admission about her mother's care in the nursing home gives her pause: Her mother would have to wear disposable briefs. Florence has been down that road-and will not return to it. When her mother returned home after rehab for a fractured hip at a local facility, Florence spent two weeks working with her mother to "retrain her bladder": The facility had allowed her mother to wear briefs, an unacceptable and unnecessary solution to Florence. Today, her mother no longer needs to wear disposable briefs, but instead understands to tell Florence of her needs so that Florence can assist her. Florence cannot ask her mother to give up this level of independence. And, so they stay together. Florence reflects on situations that still cause her harm (an unhappy first marriage still hurts) but finds comfort in sayings which decorate her home. One of her favorites: "When someone makes you unhappy, pause and remember: Only you can make you unhappy." This helped her with her sister. Her sister doesn't help Florence as much as Florence would like. Florence will undergo surgery next month and has asked her sister to step in and help. Her sister has agreed, but expressed anxiety at assisting her mother with toileting. She told Florence: I can't do this, I'm not as strong as you. Hearing this helped Florence understand her sister a little better. It doesn't make it easy to shoulder the responsibility but it makes it easier to understand. "You can do this or your can't," Florence says. "I'm not so mad at her as I was." One of Florence's true tests of strength came last spring. Her mother needs assistance throughout the night--which meant Florence was up most of the night and exhausted most of the day. She became impatience with her mother, which truly frightened her. She found herself crying much more than she was laughing. This was a huge signal to Florence that all was not well. Now, she has help a few times during the week during the day, and help throughout the night. Florence's laugh is back. |
The
Caregiving Years: |
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© Tad
Publishing Co. 2000 |
