Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You:
Heidi
Crook Care Recipient: Toivo, 86-years-old Nominated By: Ellen Pollack and Cheryl Riley, co-workers of Heidi's at UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles Excerpt from Nominating Letter: "Toivo does not speak English, and has no family or friends in the United States. During the past 10 years Heidi has taken care of all of Toivo's needs. She has delivered, or arranged delivery of meals for every holiday. She coordinates all of his financial matters including investment strategies and developing a will." Hardest part of caregiving: There's no one else but me. Am I making the right decisions for him? Is this his way? Advice I wish I received when I first started caregiving: (I wish I was aware) of all the resources available in the community, such as Lifeline and Meals on Wheels. Stress reliever: I don't feel any stress related to Toivo. I have two lives: Personal (in a Chicago suburb) and professional (in Los Angeles). My home in Illinois in my retreat. Life lesson learned as a result of caregiving: It's a privilege, it prepares me for my future. I'm very fortunate to have this opportunity. I may have to go through this for myself. I also recognize that as one gets older, the material things have no meaning at all. People go on life-long missions of gathering things. But, then they don't matter. My proudest achievement: My father said to me: "Just remember: Life is full of challenges. You face one test, if you pass it, then go on to another that is even more difficult. If you don't pass the test, it comes back over and over." The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver: It's incredible to go to durable medical equipment stores and see what's available. My wish for my family in 2002: I would like to go back to Finland to spend quality time with my brother and sister. As for other wishes: I have the power to orchestrate my family's happiness. I don't wish. Rather, I empower to make the good happen. I have the capacity to see to it that what I wish happens. Holiday plans: We'll be together in our home in outside of Chicago. Then, we'll be at our time-share in the Bahamas over New Year's Eve. Heidi Crook moved Toivo, her 86-year-old care recipient, into an assisted living facility in October. He had had a stroke at home--and had been alone for 24 hours before she realized he wasn't well. She worried about the decision to move him into an assisted living facility. So, she asked him for his input: Do you want to go home with 24-hour care? Or, stay here, with your own apartment, and care? Because Toivo likes his privacy, he decided to stay at the assisted living facility, rather than move home with 24-hour care. Now that he has decided to stay in the assisted living facility, Heidi faces another decision: Should she sell his furniture? Donate it? These are the decisions Heidi worries about--whether or not she does as Toivo wishes. And, because Heidi is not related to Toivo, she doesn't have a knowledge of his history--what he has done in the past would help her know what he would like to do in the future--to rely on. Heidi met Toivo ten years ago, when his wife was admitted into UCLA Medical Center. The nursing staff contacted Heidi, Senior Associate Director in charge of Nursing and Patient Services at the hospital and a native of Finland, to translate on behalf of Elsa, who only spoke Finnish. She met Elsa on Friday afternoon and soon learned that Elsa was dying. She spoke with Elsa about her wishes. She had been admitted to the hospital from a nursing home. Would she like to go back to the nursing home? Would she like to go home? Elsa requested to go home. Heidi and the staff organized home care for Elsa, who went home on Friday afternoon. Elsa died that weekend, Heidi learned on Monday morning. Heidi travels to Chicago every weekend; her husband is a successful businessman located in Chicago. She's been making the commute every weekend for 12 years. Her daughter, a lawyer, lives in Washington, D.C. When Heidi learned of Elsa's death, she wondered: What of Elsa's husband, Toivo? And, that's when her relationship with Toivo began. She found a Finnish priest to say the funeral, helped Toivo make the plans to fly back to Finland with his wife's ashes. And, then she helped him move from an unsafe neighborhood into a better apartment. Heidi and her staff packed him up and moved him. She calls him every-other-day, visits on Wednesdays, calls him from Chicago on weekends. When he lived in his own apartment, she organized and managed the in-home caregivers. Heidi has a long record of helping, of not shirking from taking on additional responsibilities. She first came to the United States from Finland as an exchange student in the 1960s. Then, thirty years ago, she worked for International Red Cross in Nigeria. Her work led her to a lasting love (her husband) and the knowledge of the difference one person can truly make. Heidi worked as a nurse among extreme poverty in Nigeria. When she would visit villages, she would care for children who could not see. With the proper treatment, she could restore their sight. To the villagers, Heidi was a miracle worker. "This dramatically changed my life," Heidi says. She has learned from Toivo to respect his wishes, which may be very different from hers. She would ask him: Do you want to go back to Finland? Be with your family? Be in your country? He tells her: I want to stay here. I want to be in my room, this makes me happy. Don't judge me based on your needs. Two years ago, she accompanied Toivo back to Finland. As a veteran of WWII, Toivo is eligible for a benefit from the Finnish government: To stay in a rehab center every-other-summer. This time, Toivo showed Heidi his gravesite, his headstone, his wife's gravesite. He wanted Heidi to know where to bring his urn after his death. Many would read this story and say: Wow, Toivo is so lucky to have her! But, Heidi feels her luck is in knowing Toivo. "He came into my life for a reason. Meeting Elsa was a gift, that I've been able to help." After all, Toivo in Finnish means "hope". |
The
Caregiving Years: |
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© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2002 |
