Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You: Margaret Soergel, Walhalla, N.D. Nominated by: Paul and Jan Morin, Margaret's brother and sister-in-law Excerpt from nominating letter: Every Friday, they go over to her apartment and clean it for her while she goes to mass. They buy all her groceries, prepare her food, make and freeze the food, wash and mend her laundry...They make sure Clarinda has large print reading material available and a good supply of her handcraft supplies...We went home this summer for two weeks so Margaret and Paul were able to go on a vacation to Louisville, Kent., so Paul could see his family. We took over caring for Clarinda while the were gone and we had first-hand experience with what they do for Clarinda. Care recipient: Clarinda, Margaret's 90-year-old mother In Margaret's words: When I feel stressed, I: Hold it inside. If I'm smart, I'll talk to my husband. He's a wonderful support. I couldn't do this without him. I depend on him. My current challenge is: How can we use our retirement years in meaningful work? Peace is a huge concern. How can we further peace? We need to figure out how to live in peace. What can we do in our community to encourage this? When I have an extra five minutes, I: Read. You can learn so much from fiction. I read Anne Perry (19th century English mysteries), Joan Chidester (peace and feminism), Matthew Fox (original blessing, hope and compassion). And, Harry Potter. Harry Potter is wonderful!
My mantra is: Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a
great battle. An Asian philosopher said this.
The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver is: Respite,
some resources so that a few times a year, the family caregiver has
the opportunity to get away and gain perspective. To have a chance to
get away and use it without feeling guilty.
My 2003 goal is: Cherish my children and grandchildren with
greater insight. And, work for peace.
My holiday plans this year include: A quiet, private time.
Thanksgiving this year was one of the three most precious holidays
I've ever had. We visited Mom. It was a gorgeous day, so we took her
and her roommate out for a ride. I surprised by the joy in the day. When Margaret's brother and sister-in-law sent in her nominating letter, their mother was living in her apartment. Not long after writing the letter, Margaret and her husband Paul made a difficult decision: It was just too difficult for Clarinda to remain in her own apartment. She was admitted to the nursing home. How is everyone doing now? "She's doing better than we are," Margaret says. "I hate it. Her own mother lived with her until she died. I feel like I'm losing her before she dies." In 1995, Margaret and Paul moved back to Margaret's home of Walhalla and into Clarinda's home. Margaret's only sibling, her brother, Paul, had moved away from North Dakota in 1990. After Paul moved, Margaret noticed that Clarinda experienced more health problems. By 1995, Margaret's husband had retired, their two children were young adults. It seemed the time was right for the move. "It was mutually beneficial for everyone," Margaret says. Margaret felt her role in helping her mother was to ensure her mother's qualify of life, by being a support system and an advocate. "I wanted to give her the system she'd given me for so many years," she says. "And, I had concerns that her health issues were not being taken care of." Margaret, a retired nurse, was concerned that her mother was taking medications that were no longer appropriate. Margaret's father died at the age of 61, leaving Clarinda with a farm, an adolescent son, a brother-in-law and her mother--all who needed her. "I think she was afraid and vulnerable after Dad died," Margaret explains. "She was on medications, which may have helped with anxiety attacks. But, 32 years later, she's still on the same medications. And, Mother wouldn't question the doctor." It took three years, but Margaret was able to change her mother's medications. During that three years, Margaret documented the side effects from her mother's medications, discussing regularly with her mother's physician her concerns. The result was three good years without side effects from medications. "We end up taking meds for our meds," Margaret says. In 1997, Clarinda moved into her own apartment in a senior housing complex. The move allowed Clarinda to enjoy more socialization; living in her own home became more and more isolating for her. "This was an opportunity for her to be with friends without worrying about the weather," Margaret says. Clarinda did well, with the help of Margaret and Paul, until recently. "We wanted to keep her in her own apartment as long as possible," Margaret says. "But she needs 24 hour care and support. "As a professional, I saw these situations objectively. Now, I see it subjectively." Margaret and Paul have discussed how their lives will change after Clarinda's death. They expect to move closer to family (a son and his family live in Omaha; a daughter and her husband live in Louisville), but "not too close," Margaret says. "We're in our starting-over phase." |
The
Caregiving Years: |
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© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2003 |
