Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You: Kathryn Cook DeAngelo, Myrtle Beach, S.C. Care recipient: Kathryn’s 82-year-old mother Nominated by: Alice Cook D’Antoni Phillips, Kathryn’s sister Excerpt from nominating letter: Juggling her professional and personal responsibilities while carving out time each day for her Mom never ceases to amaze me with Kathryn. Each and every day she checks on her mother; most of the time it’s in person, other times it’s by phone. Mail delivery is important to her mother, so Kathryn makes sure her Mom has that beloved mail, which Kathryn gets from her post office box. At least two to three times a week, Kathryn makes sure she takes her Mom to dinner with her; they try new places, critique foods, meet and make new friends. In fact, Kathryn’s mantra is that her Mom is her “best friend”—-so much fun, full of life, sharp as a tack, and quick to call Kathryn to task or challenge the “counselor.” (Kathryn is an attorney.) Regardless of her mother’s frail health and failing health, Kathryn is committed to giving her life color, meaning and happiness. In Kathryn’s words: When I feel stressed, I: take a deep breath and self-talk ("This too shall pass") to calm down. If I’m stressed because I’m angry, I don’t react instantly so I won’t say something I’ll regret. My current challenge is: Accomplishing day-to-day goals and objectives successfully. When I have an extra five minutes, I: If I’m in my car, I’ll use my cell phone to call Mom. If I’m home, I’ll clean out a pocketbook, organize my mail, read the newspaper. My mantra is: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; Get over it; You’re not the first, you won’t be the last. The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver is: Talk and enjoy (your car recipient’s) company. Spend time enhancing (your care recipient’s) mental abilities and stimulating (his or her) intellect. My 2004 goal is: Putting my own affairs in order—-my investments, retirement plans; work hard and keep healthy so I can continue with my productive life. I don’t write out my goals, but I know in my head where I have to go with my life and my practice. My holiday plans this year include: Spending Christmas with my son, who will be in from out-of-town, and with my brother and his wife, my sister and her husband and their three children, and with our mother. I’ll also work on mastering the art of making my mother’s stuffing. She has the touch. I want to be able to continue making her stuffing after she’s gone. It’s a Friday night, about 10 p.m., and Kathryn and her mother have stopped after dinner at their local grocery store. The purpose of the trip is to purchase a pack of cigarettes (Winston Ultra Lights) for Kathryn’s mom. It’s also an opportunity for her mom to give the store manager a hard time about the high cost of cigarettes. "She smokes like a chimney," Kathryn says. "But, I’m not going to change that. It’s her luxury. She’s been smoking since she was 16-years-old. She probably would have died if she didn’t smoke—it’s the habit that calms her." The story about the cigarettes speaks volumes about the relationship Kathryn has with her mom. Kathryn downplays her involvement in keeping her mom healthy, but it’s Kathryn’s involvement that keeps her mom moving. And, a reason to move means a reason to live. When her mother recently decided to get back into the flea market business (she had been a flea market vendor in the late 1960s and early 1970s), Kathryn made it happen: She rented a 4x8 space in an antique mall, found a display case, and stocked her display case with her mother’s inventory, including old jewelry she repairs. “She’s the Queen of Recycling," Kathryn says. "She can piece together rags to make masterpieces." Allowing her mother to be successful when frailty tries to slow her down ("she hurts, so everything is slow," Kathryn says) is Kathryn’s own success. Her mother still drives, but makes only right-hand turns (which are safer than those dreaded left-hand ones), as Kathryn has dictated. She remains in her own home, in part because Kathryn refitted her bathroom to make it handicap accessible; she manages her own medications because Kathryn labels the bottle’s contents in large print and ensures the bottles’ accessibility. It was Kathryn’s mother who inspired Kathryn to pursue eldercare law as a specialty. When her mother fell several years ago and introduced Kathryn to the health care system, Kathryn learned first-hand how difficult the experience of navigating through that system can be. As a result, she became her state’s first certified elder law attorney and committed her practice to helping older adults and their family caregivers. And, really, her mother made it possible for Kathryn to become a lawyer. At 30 and a single mother of a young son, Kathryn decided to go to school to become a lawyer. Her mother helped take care of her son, making this dream a reality. Her mother, though, is not one to win a Congeniality Award. "She’s spit and vinegar," Kathryn says. "She demands that we keep our wits about us. But, I can laugh at her, we can fuss at each other. She’s my best buddy." To rejuvenate her spirit, Kathryn works in her garden, "creating and re-creating", she says. "It’s my escape, the place I can go to appreciate nature and beauty." Her work, helping her clients and helping her mom, is important to Kathryn: "We all have something to leave behind," she says. "We’re not consumers, but contributors." Meet our Other Winners: And, meet winners from previous years: |
The
Caregiving Years: |
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© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2003 |
