Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You: Joan Bluethmann, Highland, Ind. Care recipient: Joan’s husband, Larry, and her 90-year-old father Nominated by: Shelly Morrison Bluethmann, Joan’s daughter-in-law Excerpt from nominating letter: The most amazing thing of all is how easy she makes it look. We all know how long the nights are for her, wondering if Larry’s heart will continue to function, wondering what more could possibly happen and also being the one responsible for his day-to-day care. And yet, she never loses her faith in God, never surrenders the joy she experiences in her life outside of these events, and somehow finds something positive in everything that happens. Just one week before Larry received the news about his second heart blockage, the family was together, walking in the Race for a Cure in Downtown Chicago. Even in reference to her own fight with cancer, Joan found a positive outlet and a way to help others. In Joan’s words: When I feel stressed, I: Read. Reading is an escape for me. My current challenge is: Helping my husband get better and having a good holiday. When I have an extra five minutes, I: Call a friend. My mantra is: I can do anything with God’s help and I’m counting on him to help me. The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver is: Take time for yourself and have a sense of humor. Know your limits and know that there’s a fine line between your care recipient needing your help and taking advantage of you. My 2004 goal is: Have some normalcy in our lives, have my husband feel better so we can enjoy our retirement. A conversation with Joan about caring for her husband soon becomes a discussion of how she cared for an aunt, her mother, her mother-law… When a family member needed help, Joan has always stepped in. Her husband first needed help in February of this year. An angiogram showed blockage to his heart, so he underwent quintuple heart bypass and mitral valve replacement. It’s not how they wanted the year he was to retire (he retired in June) to begin. Eight months later, when tests revealed an 80 % blockage in his heart, Larry had second surgery—-a triple bypass. Currently, Larry is hospitalized again. The worry does get to Joan, but she remains encouraged with Larry. Alone, there are times when she sits and cries. "You have to," she says. "You can’t keep it bottled up." Joan is also a caregiver to herself; a breast cancer survivor, Joan understands how fleeting health can be. Because Joan wants to help Larry for the long run, she makes sure she takes care of herself. During the warm months and while Larry naps, Joan takes out her red Schwinn bike, (a gift from one of her six children, "a Cadillac" of bikes, she says) for a spin along her local bike path. One day a week, she meets friends from high school for a walk; she arrives earlier than the rest, though, so she can get in a brisk walk on her own. She then walks with her friends, a fellowship walk, if you will. She has videos for at-home work-outs (Leslie Sanstone’s "Walk Away the Pounds") and 30-minute aerobics. She shoots to have a video playing for a work-out three times a week. And, she makes sure to ask for help; an accident that occurred when she helped her aunt cemented the belief that one person cannot—-and should not—-do it all. She took her aunt, and her aunt’s wheelchair, to the doctor in the pouring rain. Struggling to get the wheelchair in and out of the trunk, she thought to herself: I can’t do this. After returning home from the appointment, she called her sister and said: You’ll have to help me. And, from then on, her sister did. Her brother and sister also work together to help their father, who lives nearby in his own home. Joan takes care of the medications, doctor appointments, finances and groceries. Her sister takes care of the cleaning; her brother manages the home’s outside maintenance. They share cooking and laundry responsibilities. Worried that his walking was worsening, Joan spoke his doctor, arranging visits from a nurse and physical therapist twice a week. As a result, "he’s doing much better," Joan says. When Larry is home, Joan will accept help from her adult children (five live close-by, one lives in Maryland) so she can take breaks. "You have to know your limits," she says. "Otherwise, your body will tell you. And, then, it’s too late." Hopeful that 2004 will be the year they really start their retirement, Joan looks forward to traveling (when asked where, she says: It doesn’t matter!) and getting back on track with her volunteer activities, which have been temporarily shelved as Joan focuses on getting Larry well. She teaches catechism once a week to school children at her local Catholic school and volunteers at the gift shop for the local Hospice. “I miss teaching and volunteering”, she admits. “But, I’ve had to prioritize how I spend my time.” Reading is a passion for Joan; she’s reading “Wisdom of the Ages: 60 Days to Enlightenment” by Wayne W. Dyer and just finished “The Purpose-Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?” by Rick Warren. In “The Purpose-Driven Life”, Joan says, we learn that “it’s all not about ‘me’ and that we can see God in each other”. You also can see God in Joan’s hands, the hands that provide such loving care. Meet our Other Winners: And, meet winners from previous years: |
The
Caregiving Years: |
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© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2003 |
