Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
|
Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
|
|
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Someone
Like You: Diane Blake, Lancaster, Calif. Care recipient: Betty, Diane’s 91-year-old mother Nominated by: Brenda Avadian, a member of Diane’s weekly support group at Lancaster Adult Day Health Care in Lancaster, Calif. Excerpt from Nominating Letter: Since June 1999, Diane has helped other caregivers by modeling her own caregiving experiences with her mom. And it hasn't been easy on her. Whereas many of us caregivers would have long ago placed our loved ones under 24-hour care in a nursing home or assisted-living community, Diane and her husband have survived many humorous and yet frustrating and stressful times with her mother's other health challenges. For example, her mother was later diagnosed with breast cancer. Still being functional despite her Alzheimer's, Diane and Jerry opted for surgery to remove the cancer. In Diane’s words: When I feel stressed, I: Walk away and leave the situation temporarily. My current challenge is: The decision about meeting my husband’s needs, as well as my mother’s and mine. When I have an extra five minutes, I: Do a pleasant chore, like feeding the birds, go shopping. Shopping is my escape, walking through the mall. My mantra is: This too shall pass. The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver is: Keep your sense of humor and your patience. A sense of humor is so important. My 2004 goal is: Some resolution to my dilemma. My holiday plans this year include: I haven’t made any yet. Our adult children will invite for dinner. I keep it simple and keep the meaning of Christmas. Betty was placed in an orphanage at birth. As a young child, she lived for a few years with a couple—-until that couple returned her to the orphanage. Finally, another family took her in and raised her. But, the childhood experience has left its mark. “Please don’t let me be put in an institution,” she says to her daughter, Diane. Jerry is 79-years-old and anxious to enjoy retirement by hitting the highway. He’s had recent health issues, including a small stroke, so wants to go while he can—-to Mexico, to England. But, his mother-in-law needs their help. He tells Diane, Where else would she live, but with us? Diane has the two dearest people in her world under her roof. She feels good about keeping a promise to her mom that she wouldn’t be placed in an institution. But, she understands that her husband, who also wants what’s best for his mother-in-law, sometimes would like the freedom of multi-week trips and last-minute get-aways. “My father-in-law lived with us during the first seven years of our marriage,” Diane, who is 71-years-old, says. “His father was a wonderful gentleman, but I know what it’s like to have someone continually in the house with you. I felt resentment at times.” (The second marriage for both, Diane and Jerry have been married for 23 years.) Diane has discussed her dilemma with her support group and has started researching her options. She hesitates to consider a nursing home because of an experience in February 2002. Diane had moved Betty from Chicago to her California home in 1999; hopeful that Betty would some day return to her home in Chicago, her home remained as it was when she left for California. An attempted break-in to Betty’s home in early 2002 gave Diane pause--and the realization that her mother could not return home. In February of 2002, Diane and Jerry returned to Chicago, sold Betty’s home, cleaned out her home and returned with a few pieces of Betty’s favorite furniture. During their three-week trip, Betty stayed in a nursing home, one of the best in her area. “When we went to pick her up at the nursing home, she looked like death warmed over,” Diane says. “She recognized Jerry before me. But I keep thinking of her like that…” So Diane is exploring the possibility of her mother residing in a nearby board-and-care home; she’s hoping to resolve her dilemma early next year. With insights from others who have used board and care homes, Diane has narrowed her search down to one home. It’s small one with currently only two residents. “(Mom) needs more stimulation,” Diane says. “Maybe we would be doing her a favor.” Betty seemed to be doing well in her own home in Chicago—-until the spring of 1999. As she had done every year, Diane sent her mother tickets for a visit to see them. But, as the day of departure for her trip crept closer, Diane noticed that her mother was not preparing in her typical organized, efficient way. The day she was scheduled to leave, Diane called Betty’s home, knowing that Betty should be at the airport, ready to board her flight to Chicago. Instead, Betty answered the phone: She was at home. Even more unsettling was her insistence that she had just returned from her trip to California. Diane knew that all was not right. She flew back to Chicago, with the hopes of bringing her mother back to California for a visit. Betty, though, insisted she had just been. Diane couldn’t convince her mother otherwise and returned home, frustrated. But a fall in the neighborhood caused a hairline fracture in her pelvis, a one-month stay in a rehab facility and then a chance for Diane to move Betty to California. “I had an elaborate plan that would distract her so that we would be able to get her on the plane,” Diane says, planning ahead for any argument from Betty about her ability to continue living on her own in her own home. But the injury, hospitalization and rehab stint had worn Betty out—-so she accompanied Diane to California without a murmur. Upon her arrival to California, Diane had Betty evaluated, which led to her diagnosis (moderate dementia, probable Alzheimer’s), and then ensured Betty had regular physician check-ups and tests, something Betty never did. Six months later, because of a mammogram, Betty was diagnosed with breast cancer. Surgery removed the tumor and lymph nodes to which the cancer had spread. Because of her age, she wasn’t a candidate for radiation and chemotherapy. But that didn’t stop her complete recovery. Oddly enough, Diane believes her mother’s dementia assisted her recovery. “She forgot about it (the cancer), so she didn’t fret about it,” Diane says. On December 16, Diane and Betty face their next challenge: Cataract surgery for Betty. Diane wonders if the surgery will improve quality of life for Betty; Diane often attributed Betty’s difficulty with reading to her dementia. But, she wonders, rather than an inability to concentrate, could it be that she just couldn’t see the words? Guilt follows Diane because of this: She wonders if she should have known sooner about the cataracts. But, her mother is not one to admit to physical problems and dismisses any question about such problems. Because of the upcoming surgery, holiday plans are on hold until after the surgery. Diane is working to ensure that Betty’s recovery goes well; she’s especially worried about keeping Betty from rubbing her eyes and touching her bandages. A member of her support group suggested that Diane find out about medications that will keep Betty calm. The support group has become a partner in Diane’s caregiving journey. At the invitation of a friend, Diane joined the support group a little over four years ago. “I cannot overstate its importance,” she says. “We can talk to each other as we can’t to others. “You’re helping everyone in your life if you go to a support group.” And, that’s a fact. Meet our Other Winners: And, meet winners from previous years: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
© Tad
Publishing Co. 1996-2003 |
