Solutions
To Your Caregiving Situations
Throughout Your Caregiving Years
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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Someone
Like You:
Nancy Hoffman, Marietta, Ga.
Care Recipients: Nancy’s parents, Arch, who died in May 2004 and Ila, who died in June 2003. Nancy’s husband, Alan, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1997.
Nominated By: Laura Jane Cohen, Nancy’s daughter Excerpt from Nominating Letter: Determined not to put my grandmother in a nursing home, my mom came up with a plan (a plan that I thought was crazy, by the way) to sell their house and convince my grandfather to sell his house and buy one together that would accommodate all 4 of them. Somehow she convinced them all and by October, my childhood home that my parents so loved was on the market. At the same time, my mom worked tirelessly to find a home that would work for all of them. As her frustration mounted, she decided to find a home site in a new neighborhood and work with the architect to redesign the home. Without any experience in architecture, she somehow managed to alter the plans into what became the perfect house. A master suite with a living room so my grandparents would have their own home was added to the main floor, doorways were widened for my grandma’s wheelchair, the bathroom redesigned to be handicapped accessible, etc. It was amazing! My mom made sure that my grandparents did not have to give up any of their furniture, they kept their own fridge, own pantry, etc. so that they would not feel like they had to give up anything to make this transition. They all moved in together just before Thanksgiving of 2001, not quite a year after my grandma’s stroke. As time went by, my grandmother’s health declined. She often did not know my mother. She referred to her as “that sweet little girl who is so good to me”. When I asked my mom if this hurt her feelings she said “no, she knows that someone who loves her is taking care of her, that’s all that matters.” Never the less, every morning, my mother woke my grandma up, got her bathed and dressed and fed her breakfast. When I was home I would sneak around the corner to watch them in the morning. My mom would always say “okay now Mama, are you ready for our hug?” and my grandmother would smile and nod. My mom would give her a huge hug and kiss and as she did it, she would gently lift my grandma into her wheelchair in one sweet seamless movement. My mom taught herself how to lift grandma without hurting either one of them, how to watch out for bedsores, which diapers were the most comfortable, what food my grandma could swallow, etc. They would sit on the porch together; my mom would play old hymns on the piano for her; and always hold her hand. I asked my mom, “Don’t you feel cheated? Don’t you wish you had time to travel with Daddy and enjoy your retirement?” “No” she said. “Growing up, my parents took such good care of me. They bathed me, fed me, dressed me, loved me, without a thought about what else they could be doing. Taking care of them now is the least I can do to thank them for being such amazing parents. It is a special gift I am being given, this time with them.” In Nancy’s Words:
When I feel stressed, I: Go outside. The garden is my therapy. I’m okay if I can dig in dirt. And, I love music.
My current challenge is: Alan’s health.
When I have an extra five minutes, I: Read, mainly fiction. I enjoy Southern authors and our story-telling culture here in the South.
My mantra is: Take nothing—no blessing, for granted. And, don’t postpone joy. Find something that makes you happy in everyday life.
The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver is: The services of Hospice.
My 2005 goal is: Not to waste a single day.
My holiday plans this year include: We’re going to Washington, D.C. to visit two of our daughters. And, we’ll enjoy a progressive dinner in our subdivision on December 18. The main course, for about 30 people, will be served in our home.
Nancy and her husband were set to hit the highway the day before we spoke; they were heading to New Orleans for a long weekend. They’ll stop in Biloxi for the night, where Alan will gamble and Nancy will relax.
“It hasn’t been easy (these past few years),” Nancy says, “but we’ve had so many blessings. It was a privilege to care for my parents. Alan will need more care. I can see changes in him, so I’m prepared to be his caregiver.”
With that knowledge of what’s coming, Nancy and Alan take advantage of opportunities to travel as soon as they present themselves. “I don’t miss opportunities to be with family,” she says. “We went to D.C. in October to watch our daughter and son-in-law run in a marathon.” A future trip will take place in May. It was a 13-day tour of Canada, including Vancouver and Calgary, that Alan and Nancy were scheduled to take five years ago. The trip was cancelled when Nancy’s mother suffered her stroke. Rescheduling the trip was “the first thing we did after Dad’s death,” she says. And, six years ago, Nancy and Alan enjoyed Italy; Italy is another destination on the list.
Alan was very supportive when Nancy cared for her parents. Nancy’s day was scheduled around her parents’ needs. Evenings, though, were spent together upstairs in a “glorious 33 x 15 bedroom suite with office area”, Nancy says. “That was our space, our space for our selves.”
And, the special space Nancy shared with her dad was the garden. “Dad could grow beautiful things from sticks,” Nancy says. “We spent so much time in the yard as often as we could. Now, when I’m outside, I talk to Dad and think of him.”
Caregiving has taught Nancy about life: “I look at things differently now,” she says. “Hardships are now blessings.” When Alan and Nancy were waiting to hear if Alan was diabetic, Nancy prayed that he wouldn’t be, worried about having more to worry about. Then came the diagnosis: Alan is diabetic. Nancy now looks at the diagnosis not as a burden, but as a blessing. “It made us change our exercise and eating habits. We’re healthier.” For Nancy, building memories with Alan is the priority now. “We’re going, doing, being and seeing,” she says. “At the end of life, what you have are relationships and memories.” Meet our Other Winners: And, meet winners from previous years: 2003 Winner: Kathryn 2003 Winner: Joan 2003 Winner: Diane 2003 Winner: Elizabeth |
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