Someone Like You:
Meet a Recipient
of the 2007 "Caregiver of the Year" Award:

Leon Beer, Brooklyn, N.Y.

Nominated by: Sharon Lebenkoff of Leeza's Place at Park Slope Geriatric Day Center in Brooklyn, N.Y.; read nominating letter

Care Recipient: Leon's wife, Sally

In Leon's Words:

When I feel stressed, I: I try to meditate. I’ve been meditating for 10 years before Sally had her disaster. It’s been tremendous. I try to meditate every day, even when I'm driving, I use deep breathing. At the gym, I'll sit for 10 minutes and do that.

My current challenge is: To make every day count. If I don’t curse, if I don’t take a couple of drinks, then it's a good day, when things are in my control. I rarely cook bad food, but when I cook something really great, it’s good.

When I have an extra five minutes, I: Do my Bible study. That’s my other avocation. I'm teaching a class on Genesis in my synagogue. What you have in the Bible is a way to live.

My mantra is: When you wake up in the morning, you have two choices. You can roll over and die. Or, you can make the best of what you have. One day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Recommended reading: Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh. Anger is something that you take care of, then it becomes something positive.

The legacy I would leave to another family caregiver is: The most important asset for your care recipient is you. You owe it to yourself and you to be there and do for yourself. You are in intense relationship being a full-time caregiver. Take care of yourself.

My 2008 goal is: To last until 2009. And, to be as healthy at 67 as I am as 66.

When I spoke with Leon, he was thinking about how to prepare that night's meal of tilapia. “I may bake it with a tomato sauce or a mushroom and wine sauce,” he said. “Or, I may poach it with tomato and onions.”

He also reflected on the disaster—the event 10 years ago that changed life forever for Leon and his wife, Sally. After quintuple bypass surgery, Sally went into a coma for 5 ½ weeks. “It's been a long haul since then,” he said.

The struggle for Leon has been adjusting to the change in what they both expected their lives to be. “My outlook has been: Sally had her disaster after we were married 30 years. We’re still together; we still have to make a life together. It will be different, though.”

Leon cares for himself as much as he cares for Sally. “I couldn’t live if I couldn’t walk out of the house,” he says. “I need time away. Nothing is more humanizing than being with eight or 10 other people and not thinking about caregiving.”

Both he and Sally visit their gym regularly: Leon works out with a personal trainer three times a week; Sally, twice a week. “It's the best thing because it gets her out the house. And, I've see an improvement in her upper body strength.”
And, he says, “If I can’t pick her up, where are we? Two months ago, the chair lift broke and I took her down 15 steps.” The strength he's found in the gym keeps him strong—emotionally and physically—as a caregiver.

He views another investment as a lifesaver—the ramp van he purchased in 2000. “It cost a small fortune, but it was worth it.” Now, with the van, they can take trips and make their treks to the gym without Leon having to lift Sally in and out of a vehicle. With a ramp van, she simply rolls in and out.

Getting to the gym and cooking great meals are the easy parts for Leon. The hard part is adjusting to the pain of the disaster. “Every day to see your wife at 35% of what she was is an ongoing hurt. It’s just there and it hurts. It’s the hardest part. You really have no period to grieve—it’s always there.”

Leon and Sally celebrated their 40th anniversary recently. To celebrate, he hopes they will travel to Israel this summer. He found a travel agent on the Internet that specializes in “accessible” Israel. If the Israel trip falls through, then Leon says they'll go to Bermuda.

They began regular trips to Denver to visit their daughter in 1999. Although a bit nervous at first about traveling, Leon said, “If we didn't go, we weren't going to see our daughter. So, we went.”

Now, when they visit Denver, they take a mini-vacation within their vacation, spending three or four days on their own to explore. They may travel to Winter Park, Colo., which houses a national sports center for the disabled so Sally can whitewater raft and bike.

Leon encourages other family caregivers to do what he hopes for every day: To acknowledge the pain, but to find a way to find the joy. “Don’t be afraid to try things,” he says. “If you don't succeed, so what?”

The joy often comes from the strength in always giving it your best shot.--Denise M. Brown

Meet Our Winners:

• Leon Beer, nominated Sharon Lebenkoff of Leeza's Place at Park Slope Geriatric Day Center in Brooklyn, N.Y.
• MoZetta Zion, nominated by her self
• Patty Kearns, nominated by Nancy Lewin of Johnson & Johnson Caregiver Initiative
• Norma Bell, nominated by Sharon Pease, Norma's daughter
• Kimi Morton Chun, nominated by Sheila Warnock of ShareTheCaregiving, Inc.
• Aracelis Fernandez, nominated by Diana King of PSS Caregivers Support Program, Bronx, N.Y.

And, meet winners from previous years:

(Unforeseen difficulties caused us to put the contest on hold in 2005 and 2006.)

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