Caring for Parents

  • Mary posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 2 days, 7 hours ago

    Very long outing with Mom yesterday to work on her replacement denture and replacement glasses, both items lost in her locked memory care unit since April. TODAY I got an email from Mom’s nurse that the missing glasses have been FOUND. Ugh. Really? Double ugh. I. Feel. Like. Screaming.

  • Ashleefc posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 1 week, 4 days ago

    Every time I come in contact with my mom, I’m so angry. I am in college and watching over my 42 year old mother on a daily basis. I am afraid to move out and feel guilty, but I can’t stand being at home either. I am overwhelmed with resentment for my chronically ill mother.

    • Hi Ashlee–I totally understand. I wonder if we could find some kind of compromise for you. If you moved out but lived nearby, would that be a possibility? Does your mom qualify to receive help through Medicaid or any other state or local programs?

      • Hello! My mother does receive Medicaid. She however doesn’t want outside help like Hospice. I think I’m mostly afraid of the burden it will put on my father and younger sister. My father works constantly (a labor job at that) and my sister works at the same job as I do (cleaning) and is still in high school. I also feel that my sister would resent…[Read more]

        • It sounds like they need you too much. :( Would it be possible to talk it out as a family? I understand your mom’s fear and worry about outside help. I wonder if you explained that the outside help will ensure you all have more time to spend together as a family. Could you tell us a little more about your mom’s diagnosis and prognosis?

          • Well she has chronic pancreatitis, which means she cannot digest food properly. It is dangerous for her to lose weight. She has a pain pump implanted in her but she also has medication in a pill form. There is no cure or hope for improvement, it will simply worsen with time.

            • What a hellish situation for all of you. If you could implement a solution that would make the situation more doable for you, what would it be?

    • I understand how you feel. I feel like just feel in St can’t cope with my mom. I feel bad but I do resent her at times.

  • madagirl posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 3 weeks, 3 days ago

    I’m so frustrated. I care for my father. He is 54, I am 23. I live at home and my mother “works” from home while I care for him. I say “works” because she is depressed right now and can’t find the motivation to work, so she sits around and helps me take care of my dad or tells me how to do it. In the beginning we fought constantly because what she…[Read more]

    • Oh, what a frustrating situation! I so understand how frustrating it is when you’re doing your best–and you can’t get your dad or mom to understand your perspective. Is hospice helping your family? They would be a good resource for you. In addition, a home health aide could come weekly to shower your dad. They also could offer suggestions other…[Read more]

  • My mom (age 83 and now wheelchair bound due to a stroke) has been passing out without warning for years at random times; this started even before she had the stroke in 2005. We’ve never known why. For years it happened a few times a year. Because of her stroke, she can’t tell us much now about what she experiences before she passes out.

    We…[Read more]

    • Oh, gosh, I’m so glad you wrote about this. There’s a book called “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” by Katy Butler. She documents how difficult it was to have her father’s pacemaker disabled. I guess my concern is that the pacemaker may keep her alive beyond the point that she’s living. I think it would be a good idea to talk out all the options. If she…[Read more]

    • And, just one last thought: It is important to consider the cost of the pacemaker. Meaning, the cost to continue to care for her for what could be years. In my dad’s advance directive, he asks that I keep in mind the emotional, physical and financial considerations of any decisions I may have to make about his care and treatment.

      What…[Read more]

      • Denise, thank you for your thoughtful replies! It’s been a few days, and I’ve come to a sort of decision, based partially on your comments (I talked to my mom’s doctor, several friends and also read an article by Katy Butler that was really enlightening). We’re going to put off the surgery to implant the pacemaker. I really want to try at least…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 1 month, 1 week ago

    Well, our worst fears have been realized. My aunt Mimi is in the ICU being kept alive on a respirator; she’s not expected to recover after her heart stopped for 15 minutes.
    She made NO provisions for herself or her 64-y.o. schizophrenic son. We called 911, but the police and EMT couldn’t just commit my cousin because he’s not currently violent…[Read more]

    • What a nightmare. You’ve been asking her for so many years to take care of her affairs. It’s just a tragedy. You did all you could do–I know you couldn’t have done any more. I wish I could offer you more than words–what a nightmare for you right now. I’m keeping you in my prayers. As you can, let us know how you’re doing.

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 1 month, 1 week ago

    Assisted living facility looked pretty good. This weekend, making a list of all the things i have to deal with, in the following categories: Mom – health, house, finances, other. Me – health, finances, home, creativity, work, etc. My Aunt Mimi – legal, health, finances, house, her son (legal, housing). This is just a start but will help me feel…[Read more]

    • I love the idea of breaking it out so it feels doable. It’s helps to feel in control. So glad the facility looked good.

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 1 month, 1 week ago

    Going today to look at an assisted living facility not too far from my home. Not sure I want to move my mom at all, but I want to know what’s available before I might need it. I’m also looking for possible places for my aunt. She’s in her own home now, also, but her eyesight has deteriorated further due to glaucoma.

    • It’s good to know what’s out there. And, seeing the options can help as you decide which option will be best. I so hope you have some time for R&R this weekend.

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